It was the usual super-confusion afterward, as I tried to desperately remember what day it was, what was happening, etc. I remember waking up on the floor and seeing Calvin hiding behind a box. He was patched and didn't have his glasses on-- which means that he couldn't see much of anything. I wonder in what order everything happened, but I'll never know. Did he willingly take his glasses off so he didn't have to watch me? Who knows. I asked the boys if I had a seizure, and they kept saying no, that everything was fine. I quickly got on Gtalk and told Brian and I emailed Alex's dad right away too. I don't have any memory of doing either of those things, but thanks to technology, it's all here.
The transcript to Brian was:
me: yey, i had seix;ure. Ca yuoiu copme home?
Brian: Okay. Will do.
Brian: ARe you okay?
me: yeah i just feel very uconfused.
The email I wrote to Alex's dad was titled "siexuree." And its contents were:
"Is had a seizure this morning. Plaease come and get Alex wen you can. I'm so sorry. Everyne is fine."
Even though it's a little creepy, it's pretty comforting to know that I'm aware of what happens, even though I have no memory of being aware. And apparently spelling goes out the window when my brain freaks out. Understandable.
So, anyway, I seem to have pulled myself up, noticed a smoking pan on the stove and proceeded to finish cooking French toast for the kids, set them up to the table and served breakfast. Brian came home and I slept most of the day. The seizure headaches and post seizure confusion are intense. It was great to have Brian so close that he could be here so quickly.
Last year the boys talked about my seizure. But this year they will not, and I find it curious. Last year afterward they kept saying, "Mommy, you had a seizure," but this year they seem to have either genuinely not witnessed it (which just seems impossible) or they are choosing to deny it.
But, Alex is not in denial. In fact, she has the most insight of anyone into what happened. She's been telling her parents that "Dawnee fell over," "Dawnee knocked over a chair," "Dawnee was shaking." She even did the motions.
I worry about the boys and how they will handle my seizures. I can't imagine what it would be like to witness my mom having a seizure. I like to think it will make them stronger. Maybe it will make them creative.
|I thought what Cal drew tonight fit well with the topic.|