Sunday, February 12, 2012

Angry Birds vs. Angry Clark

Clark is acting like a teenage girl lately. For one thing, he’s obsessing over his hair. If it ever gets any hint of static or he imagines that there is static, he starts wailing about wanting water on it. If his pants are pulled up too high, he freaks out. He doesn’t like his food to touch on his plate. Everything surrounding him is of dramatic importance.

To best illustrate the drama surrounding Clark’s difficult and stressful life, I’ll use an incident from the other day:

1.       Clark hurts his finger and cries.
2.       I tell him that Daddy bought Angry Birds (a new obsession) band-aids for them!
3.       I put on said band-aid.
4.       Clark is happy.
5.       Two seconds later, Clark starts crying because the yellow bird is covered up and he couldn’t see it and that is his favorite bird.
6.       I calm him down by showing him how cool the other birds are.
7.       We leave the house and start down the stairs.
8.       Clark begins screaming hysterically because holding the rail on the normal side he walks down feels weird because of his band-aid on his finger.
9.       I show him he can use the other rail with the other hand and it doesn’t feel weird.
10.   Clark sits down on the top steps, yelling, “no! no!” with tears pouring down his face.
11.   I go to pick him up and carry him down and he shrieks even more, slapping at me.
12.   I go down the stairs with Cal and leave him to his tears.
13.   He eventually comes down and is happy.
14.   We go for our walk.
15.   We stop at a restaurant for lunch.
16.   As soon as he gets his food he starts wailing about how he can’t eat with his band-aid on. “Get it off! Get it off!”
17.   People stare.
18.   I take the band-aid off and put it on his coat, which is on the back of his chair.
19.   He smiles at it and starts eating.
20.   He notices that from where he is sitting and eating, he cannot see his band-aid-turned-sticker.
21.   He again starts wailing about it.
22.   I tell him he’s being ridiculous and I throw it away.
23.   More screams and more stares but he eventually calms down.
24.   He finishes his chocolate milk and starts crying that it’s gone.
25.   We leave.

I guess he’s just going through a phase, but it’s one that makes me want to routinely bang my head against a wall. He also threatens us. He threatens to spank us or yell at us or bang something really hard! on the floor or table or something. I guess he's revisiting this phase from last year. Fortunately Cal has been milder in general these days. He prefers to engage in silent mind games by refusing to apologize or admit what he did was wrong even though it means staying in his bed.

So I’m sure this makes you want to go out and have kids, right? Specifically twins? The amazing thing to me is how quickly they can go from having an epic meltdown to being charming again. I guess that’s how they survive in our house. Cuteness and sweetness outweigh screaming fits of unbridled and irrational rage. 

I’m so glad they won’t one day be teenage girls. Then the drama would be over things like boys and shoes and purses and tampons and things. I'm way better with band-aids and chocolate milk.

Can't imagine him angry? Come visit in a few minutes. 


  1. I laughed out loud, like, 15 times reading this post. And it actually makes me happy about having a boy. Even though I really am happy about having a boy anyway and am totally over my non-existent girl baby. Totally. (Except maybe when I was at Baby Gap the other day and they had the SWEETEST dresses...)

  2. Yeah, seeing the huge sections of adorable baby girl clothing next to the meager boy sections sometimes gets me. Other than that I'm happy with being a dude mom. You will be too.


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