Tuesday, February 19, 2013

The Way It Is


Last Sunday I had another seizure. It’s the second one I’ve had while pregnant this time. I fell straight down on my abdomen from a standing position. I fell partially on Calvin, and my coffee splattered all over the carpet. Fortunately, Brian was right there since it was Sunday. He called his mom to watch the boys while we went to the emergency room to have the baby checked out.

I couldn’t believe it. I’ve averaged one seizure per year for the past four years or so, and I just had one three months ago. I honestly didn’t think I’d have another one until next fall. Silly to think I could predict my own unpredictable neurological misfires.

I discovered, on returning back home from the hospital (Peapod was fine- moving all over like crazy on the sonogram), that I had forgotten my medicine the night before. That was a huge relief. I thought I’d remembered it. I can’t tell you how many times in my seizure-medicine-taking life I’ve forgotten my meds and been fine. But the only two times I’ve forgotten them while being pregnant this time, I’ve had a seizure within 10 hours of missing the dose.

Now our minds are spinning—I think especially Brian’s because he watched the seizure. What will we do with a newborn? The boys will not be able to pry me off a baby if I fall on it. They can’t turn off a pan with scorching pancakes on the stove or pick up a baby out of a bath. They can call for help on their phone, but that’s about it at this point. Fortunately we've been blessed as a family to get through this far with no horrible accident surrounding my seizures. But if something did happen we could never forgive ourselves. We feel that we need to make better arrangements. And now we are trying to figure out what in the world to do.

My seizures always have occurred within the first hour and a half to two hours of waking up. Basically I just need an alive, awake adult in my house every weekday morning for two hours. Let me tell you how this makes me feel: utterly useless. I hate that I need it, but I’m trying to swallow my pride and do what I need to do to take care of my family. There are other options we’re also looking into, but the least life-changing one would be to simply have someone come babysit me- a 32 year-old adult- every weekday morning; keep me from hurting my own children, should I have a seizure. It's grim and it makes me sad. But that's the way it is. I know it could be much worse.    

Any and all other ideas for how to face this are certainly welcome. 

12 comments:

  1. Oh Dawnee, I am sorry that you're faced with this. I hope you figure out the answer.

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    1. Thank you, Jessie! I'm sure the answer will come.

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  2. I'm going through this as well. Just had my second child, and had a grand mal 3 weeks after. Anxiety and nerves are taking over! Do you have family close by to help? How do you deal with the anxiety that comes with this? Hope your pregnancy goes well!!

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    1. Oh, I'm so sorry! I hope some of the ideas here have helped you deal with being a mom with seizures. I looked at your blog a little, but want to read more about you. I do have some family members close by, and they are awesome. I can't imagine not having their help!I actually don't get that much anxiety. I think it's partially because I've never actually seen myself have a seizure and it doesn't quite seem real...which is silly I know. I also just have to so the best I can to be prepared and trust God for the rest. Good luck to you!

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  3. Oh man, Dawn... I am so sorry. Don't look at it as a babysitter for you, look at it like you get to have a NANNY five mornings a week! I am JEALOUS! Make them do the pancakes while you hang out with your kiddos reading stories on the couch! :) In all seriousness, I cannot imagine how helpless this must make you feel. I am praying for you and your family. Have you ever thought about getting a service animal? I read about dogs that were trained to sense seizures and would somehow let their owners know one was about to happen.

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    1. Aw, thanks Charlynn! This was so nice to read. Thank you for your prayers. I have never seriously considered a seizure dog, in part because my seizures have never seemed to be a huge problem...maybe I should reconsider. They're also incredibly expensive, and I'm not sure how we could keep one in our little condo!

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  4. I'm so sorry to hear this, Dawn. You are far from useless. You are doing the right thing for your family. Everyone has circumstances that require extra help in different ways. I wonder does your development have a newsletter that you could advertise in? I know in our neighborhood, an ad like that would have a lot of grandmothers jumping at the chance to help out for such a short time period each day. Or college kids who need morning hours so they can go to class later...

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    1. Thanks, Emily. That's an idea I hadn't thought of...people in our neighborhood. Thanks for your encouragement!

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  5. If I lived closer, and didn't have nagging responsibilities like a job cramping my style, I'd totes volunteer for that nanny gig! It could be the rebirth of Crowbossy's, and we could update our Treehouse radio station! *sigh* Wishing you good health, and sending all my love your direction! Love, Libby

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    1. Oh Libby, you'd be the best nanny ever! Can you imagine all the fun we could have together with the boys? They'd be so abnormal...in the best possible ways. :)Thank you for sending your love.

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  6. Hi, Dawn!

    It's my first time here. I am also a mom with epilepsy. I had one seizure when I was pregnant (I was seizure free for 5 years). When I gave birth, I started having seizures again almost every other month. Whenever I wake up from my seizures, I always feel that they won't let me near my son for fear of hurting him.

    I am always thinking about how my son will deal with my seizures when he grows up. I don't want him to scared. I want him to stay calm and just stay by my side until I wake up.

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    1. I'm glad you found my blog! Wow, I'm sorry you've had so many seizures since your son was born. Did you change medications or anything? Did you doctors have an theories about why your seizures suddenly started again? And how old is your son now? My boys have now seen me have three seizures and we've coached them on what to do, so I hope that they won't be too shocked next time and that they'll no want to do. Good luck and I hope you'll keep reading and commenting here on my blog!

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