This is 40, Installment 6

My countdown to turning 40 has been inspirational. Ten years ago, when I first started staying home with my twins, I started writing a novel. TEN. YEARS. While it is not polished and I'm sure will still undergo many edits, it is FINISHED. I finished the ending last weekend. Maybe I cried. When you know characters and their dirty secrets and conflicts and what makes them laugh and love, and what they want in life, for ten years, you get emotionally attached.

Since September this year, I have been working feverishly on finishing the story, with my 40th birthday looming like a sweaty mountain ahead of me. I had to finish writing a book by the time I turn 40. Had to. And I did. I have never been so focused on one thing... maybe forever. It's the closest I've come to feeling like an Olympic athlete. It was almost all I thought about. Sorry, if I was absent from our conversation last time I saw you. Totally living in my book. Major shout out to my husband here... he has been amazing at supporting my writing, well always, but especially the past few months. He basically does everything.

However, my next goal is to send out query letters to literary agents by my birthday (March 17). So last night I sent copies of the manuscript (I feel so naked about this) to a bunch of wonderful humans who have agreed to be my beta readers* and give me feedback ASAP, so I can make edits before I send those letters out to agents. Now I have to write what most writers hate-- my synopsis. So, I'll work on writing that, while sweating profusely about what my beta readers will say, and await my birthday.

To think that I started this entry out thinking I would write about the gradual acceptance and incorporation of Mom jeans... this is better.

And this is 40.

*If you'd like to be a beta reader also...contact me. :)

My unattended kids have stolen my phones and filled it with pics like this. 

Today's Food Fables

The boys like to make up stories. Today while we ate lunch they were narrating stories to me and I decided to write them down. I bet you can't tell what we were eating.

The Carrot Who Wanted to be Eaten

by Clark

Once upon a time there was a lonely carrot who wanted to be eaten in the middle.  He asked a person,” Will you bite me in the middle?” The person said, “I have my own carrots at home.” Another person said, "I don’t have carrots at home. We were thinking of going to Costco to get some, but we didn’t, so I can bite you in the middle." So he tried to eat him in the middle but it didn’t work. Then a lady said the same thing- she didn’t have carrots at home either. She said, “I’ll bite you on the end and then eat up and up.” “No!” the carrot yelled out. Then he sat on the plate and turned into a real carrot who couldn’t talk and they all ate him. The end. 

The Ranch Dressing Gets Mad

by Calvin

Once upon a time there was Ranch Dressing. A penguin came up and said, “I want to eat all the Ranch dressing.” Ranch Dressing yelled, “No! Don’t eat me all!” And then a carrot came up and said, I want to eat you all.” And Ranch Dressing said, “No! Don’t eat me, just like the penguin.” Another penguin came up and said, “You don’t look good. I’m just going to eat the tree instead.” “Yes! said Ranch Dressing, “that’s good for me.” Then a big humongous excavator came and said, “I want to eat everything in the whole world, but not you.” “That’s good too,” said Ranch Dressing. Then a computer came up and said, “I want to come up and eat those little seeds.” No, said Ranch Dressing. “That’s a little part of the dressing too.” And then they talked a little more and someone said, you know what, we want to switch.” That was the hummus. Then a water bottle came up and said, “Don’t worry, the Gatorade is on his way now.” Then the Gatorade got there and said to Ranch Dressing, "Do you want to drink me? It's fine." Another hummus came up and said to Ranch Dressing, "Tomatoes are in me. Do you like tomatoes?" "Yes, said Ranch Dressing. And he wasn't mad. The end.

Calvin the author, illustrating his story-- this one
about a beard and a hand turkey

A Person With No Mouth

Just a quick note about something Cal said today that we don't want to forget.

The boys recently graduated from car seats to booster seats. (Hallelujah chorus) This makes going out in the car about a million times easier. We went all out and bought the seats with cup holders. Ha. I think most of them have cup holders, but the boys think they're the greatest things ever. One booster is purple and the other booster is gray. I guess they both wanted purple at the store, but there was only one purple. This means that the more desirable place to sit is always in the purple seat.

On the way to Cousin Finley's 3rd birthday party today, Clark got the purple seat. Cal was promised the purple seat on the way home. Her birthday party was a tea party and so I pulled out my floppy tea party hat and dressed the boys in ties. I told Brian that since he can't give me any girls, I'm going to dress up these boys as long as they'll let me. A tea party is a perfect excuse for them to be my dolls. Besides, they love being handsome.

All dressed up for the tea party

So after the adorable tea party we were driving home with Cal happily in the purple booster. But Clark was raining on his parade. He kept smugly telling Cal that the booster Cal was sitting in "actually isn't purple, it's white." This was infuriating Cal, who kept telling him he was lying to him. Suddenly Cal lifted his hands to the ceiling of the car and dramatically yelled,

"God! Send me a person with no mouth! Take my brother's mouth away!" Brian almost lost control of the car, we were laughing so hard at him.

We were thinking of sending them to a science day camp this summer, but I'm thinking maybe Cal should go to a performing arts camp.


Bonus tea party pictures:

For some reason Cal ate his cupcake with no hands- just his mouth,
nose, forehead, shirt, tie, and vest

Birthday Princess and her cupcakes

Our Wives Are So Worried About Us

About a month ago, we stumbled upon the movie Apollo 13 on TV. Since the boys have been enthralled with space over the past year or so, Brian kept it on and explained the situation to them—and explained that those were not the real astronauts, but actors pretending to be the real astronauts. Then they looked at pictures online of the real astronauts. It got to be late. We put the boys’ pajamas on and let them keep watching the movie. Clark fell asleep on the couch. Cal sat, glued to the movie, until it was over and we plopped them both in bed.

When they woke up it was all they wanted to talk about. I bet you can guess the boys’ favorite story to reenact now. The Gruffalo has taken a backseat to Apollo 13 Astronauts. Their favorite place to play it is on the metro. Which is good for practical reasons—they’re engaged and entertained for the entire ride, but like it or not, so is everyone else around them. We were out on the metro three times in the past two weeks, and many metro riders have now been exposed to the boys’ imaginations while trapped in a small space with them.

The awkward part is that the boys reference their wives at home who are so worried about them, the Apollo 13 astronauts. Loudly. Loudly, these three year-olds inform the whole train car that they have wives at home who are worried. What can I say? There's nothing I can say to make that not weird.

They both address each other each time they talk as “Hey Apollo 13 astronaut…” and they also call me by the same name. I mean, there were three astronauts in Apollo 13, so it’s perfect. So, as we are rumbling along on the train, all the stone-faced commuters staring out the window or in their newspaper, Clark usually starts everything off by loudly proclaiming, “Houston, we have a problem.”

Then they go on to talk to each other (and everyone because they don’t know how to talk quietly) about the explosion in the oxygen tank, and how brave they are being as they figure out how to get home safely. “We’ve lost the moon,” Cal will somberly tell us. Then we will discuss how there are so many scientists and engineers on Earth who are helping us figure out how to get home. Occasionally, one of the boys will scream and point out the window, “There’s Saturn!” which startles most people, but not me anymore. This will start off a series of exuberant planet-sightings out the windows. “Jupiter! Neptune! There’s Mercury! That’s my favorite planet!”

The best part happens on our way home from downtown. We come out from underground a few stops before ours. As soon as we go from being in the dark tunnels to being in the light of day they start loudly clapping and woo-hooing. Apollo 13 landed! The people are so happy! Everybody is hugging! This usually gets quite a few grins and chuckles from passengers. When we get off at our stop they clap again and hug. “Our wives are so happy to have us home!”

And I hold their hands and walk my Apollo 13 astronauts to the elevator space ship, where they start a countdown to liftoff to the moon.

Everybody is so happy to see the Apollo 13 astronauts!

First Friday Fables

This morning I was explaining the concept of main characters and conflict to the boys. We used their favorite story The Gruffalo as a model and then had them test their knowledge by telling me some stories while I wrote them down. Maybe I'll make Friday Fables a weekly event.

A Hungry Parachute
by Calvin

Once upon a time there was a girl lion named Facestamp and her husband lion named Booky. They had a baby named Pocho. They lived in a big forest. One day a parachute that looked like a balloon fell from the sky into the grass so they could see the whole thing. The parachute tried to eat the lion family so they tried to find a way out of the forest. They went down the long forest slide all the way out of the forest and they ran as fast as a motorcycle so the parachute didn't eat them. The baby lion Pocho found a little tree to eat. The parachute ate balloons. The end.

Golf Course
by Clark

Once upon a time a squirrel named Alth lived in the jungle. His family was Daddy Squirrel,  Mommy Squirrel, and Baby Bok. It was a really big jungle- gigantic as a Earth. The problem was that a lot of animals wanted to eat them. A fox, an owl, a snake, and a jungle lion all wanted to eat them. The squirrel family was scared and they screamed in their tree. Do you know what happened next? The squirrel Alth realized that a sea lion ran all over the place. A monster came and tried to eat them and the jungle. The squirrel family saw a way out of the jungle. They put on monster costumes and sneaked out of the jungle and into the feline jungle. Then a house came and roared with claws so they moved to a golf course. The end.



Do you want to know what happened next?

I Made Cookies

Every now and then I have to remind myself to be happy about the little things and not sweat the bigger things. Seems counterintuitive sometimes, but with two, sometimes three kids, there is not a whole lot of what a normal person would deem productivity that goes on in our house.

For example, the other day I got up early, even though I didn’t have Alex coming. I did some reading, had my coffee, wrote a blog entry, and in general woke up deliciously slowly. It was lovely and I knew the day would be a great one. As Brian left for work he mentioned that he would be stopping by the store for some cookies before his meeting in the evening because it was his turn to bring refreshments. Oh! I was all over this. "I’ll make some cookies for you!" Easy, thought Delusional Me. The nice morning was going to my head. We had to skip swim class because Cal can’t be in a pool after eye surgery, so the whole glorious day loomed ahead, full of promise and unscheduled bliss.

My only two goals for the day beyond getting the blog written were to clean the bathrooms and give the boys a reading lesson. Easy, right? Wrong. They woke up a little earlier than usual and I got them their milk and finished writing and posting the blog entry while they watched The Gruffalo, their second of two current obsessions, and snuggled in a blankie together on the couch. Then all the other morning things started rolling in. The oatmeal (with new sprinkles! So exciting that it takes longer than normal to pick the colors), the getting dressed, the sessions on the toilet, the reciting and acting out of The Gruffalo (complete with the boys’ British accents), the dishes from breakfast. Finally I told the boys we were going to make cookies for Dad to take to work. That may have been my first mistake. It lead down a slippery slope.

I got all the ingredients out, put the boys’s aprons on, my apron on, positioned the chair and stool for the boys to stand on. Sugar cookies don’t have a lot of ingredients so I let them each help with everything except for the eggs. As I held on to the mixer with a squirming little hand under mine, I wondered about when I would get to the bathrooms. Finally, after a bathroom break which involved quickly ripping off Clark’s apron, reapplying it, and some vigorous hand-washing, we were set to start again.

We finished the dough and put it in the fridge to chill. Apron break, bathroom break, I attempted damage control in the kitchen. I rolled and cut out most of the cookies, but I did let them help a little with their little rolling pins. It turned into more of a play-doh fest that kind of made me want to scream. All of the sudden it was something like 1:30 and I hadn’t given them lunch yet. So in between baking batches of Halloween-y shaped cookies, I got the boys lunch. Clark gagged because he didn’t like the consistency of his sausage and made himself puke all over the table, himself, and the floor. Time to clean up everything, put all affected fabrics in the laundry, put new clothes on crying boy. Groan at a morning that slipped away.

Now it was a race against the clock to get the stupid (and “easy”) cookies frosted and sprinkled before Brian came home to take them to his meeting. And what about the bathrooms? Grr. We ended up getting the cookies decorated in time to dry a little before they had to be packed up. I say we but it was mostly me because I put the boys in their room for a nap. I saved some cookies and they decorated them later that night. Brian came home and we spent half an hour with him. Clark ate some sausage with no more gagging problems. Brian packed up some cookies and headed out for his obligatory once-a-month evening meeting.

After sort of cleaning up the kitchen while the boys watched whatever was on PBS Kids, we headed outside for awhile. We took Gammy some Halloween cookies at her office and the boys and I reenacted The Gruffalo in the “deep dark woods” by Town Center. Then it was dinner and then cleanup. Clean the bathrooms? Do a reading lesson? Ha. I was disgruntled. The boys, in their jammies, took cookies to the neighbors, two young teachers, and flirted endlessly with them. They cleaned up their toys quickly and well because I narrated their actions and pretended they were Teddy and George, of the Nationals’ presidents. (this is the other of their current obsessions) So weird, but it worked so I love it.

My day hadn’t gone anything like what it was supposed to in my head. But. I had to readjust. Easy for me to say here, from two days out, right? I actually didn't feel to defeated at the end of the day.

Actually, I felt an odd sense of pride. I had made cookies. And damn it, they were cute and they were tasty. And the boys loved it.

Make cookies with these two? I dare you.

 

My Calvin Date

Today Brian and I split up the twins and took them on dates. I took Calvin to the National Book Festival and Brian took Clark to a Nationals game. We've only split them up this way a few times before, but I think it's important to spend one-on-one time with each of the boys. We surprised them. They didn't know what we were doing until Brian dropped Cal and I off at the festival on the National Mall.

It's hard because we don't want to put them in boxes and always assume that Cal will like the more artsy activity and Clark the sporty one...but it's also hard because we know that's what each of them likes the most. Cal is bored after awhile at a baseball game, but Clark knows the players and how to keep score and everything.

The date was rather last minute-- I had thought I'd be going to the festival by myself and so I hadn't paid much attention to the children's authors. I could have checked out books at the library from specific authors and then arranged to hear their presentations after the boys knew the books. That's what I've done in the past for myself. Next year I'll remember.

The author I wanted to hear and meet on Sunday was Amy Krouse Rosenthal. I love her adult book, Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life. I've read only one of her children's books, and the boys and I like it a lot (Bedtime for Mommy). So we heard her speak with my friend Missy, who introduced the book to me years ago, and we got to meet AKR. (Missy wrote about our afternoon here.) She signed my book and signed Cal's festival poster. She and Cal talked about superheroes (Cal has named his superhero self "Throthen" and Clark is "Quesadilla"). I told her about Whispers & Shouts and I was even so brazen as to hand her my card when she asked what the name of it is. Maybe she'll read this...

I bought Cal a book written and illustrated by a husband and wife team. You know how Cal loves to paint; I thought he would like to see the person who painted his book as well as the person who wrote it. We watched Erin and Philip Stead read two of their books from the front row: A Sick Day for Amos McGee and Bear Has a Story to Tell. They were charming.

Then we had a traumatic experience with Cat in the Hat and Sid the Science Kid at the PBS Kids tent, a side trip through the insect zoo and bathroom at the Natural History Museum, and a fun time at the Storybook Station before we walked to Uncle A's house to meet the baseball-ers.

The weather was unusually perfect for the festival (I have horrible rain and sweat book festival stories). I also thought it seemed to be organized and managed better than in past years-- it was a smoothly-operating function. What a fun day!

Here is my Calvin date in pictures:

Mommy and Calvy date!

 

Meeting Amy Krouse Rosenthal

 

Philip and Erin Stead

He ended up being brave enough for a
quick high five from Sid.

Then Cal stood and stalked Sid.

This is a big place with books and pillows for reading!

Yep!

Drawing a ceiling fan

I don't know.

Walking back to Uncle A's house

The Mountain Animals Do Five National Parks

Rocky Mountain National Park

The experience on our road trip this summer that was the most memorable for both Brian and me happened at Rocky Mountain National Park—the first stop on our national park lineup of five parks. We had great memories of exploring the park four years ago on our last cross country road trip and so we wanted to take the boys there on the way through Colorado. When we pulled into the park we asked a ranger which hike he recommended for kids. He told us there was a small one by a river where a dam had broken years ago and the river now flowed over and around huge boulders. We took his advice, and after a picnic, we put on real shoes and went hiking. That was when Cal gave everyone our climbing names: he was Mountain Horse, Clark was Mountain Cow, Brian was Mountain Goat, and of course I was the more flattering Mountain Dog.

The trail was cute and small and the view was astoundingly beautiful especially after having been in Kansas so recently. As we hiked around we saw that a bunch of people were not only walking on the paths below the river but were climbing the boulders and going right up the river. It looked fun, but of course with the boys we wouldn’t be able to do it. We started exploring—just seeing how far we could go. Then the boys started loving it—they were gritting their teeth and finding footholds for their feet and pulling themselves up. They were delighting in everything they saw and did (Mommy! Look how far I stepped this time! Look at that butterfly! I’m climbing a mountain!) and were caught up in the climb. So we did some boulder scrambling with three year-olds and it was delighful and only a little frightening at times. At the top we didn’t quite know what to do so we opted for the more dangerous choice of carrying the boys on our shoulders across the river and hiking down the other side of the boulder field.

Checking out the surroundings

The river flowing over boulders. Notice the climbers up in the right.

Boulder-y river

Here we go!

Bold climbers

Behind the boulders

View from the top. See the tiny people below.

Taking a break

We turned around and Cal was drinking from the river.

Braving the rapids

Made it to the other side!

By the end of the journey, Mountain Horse and Mountain Cow were decidedly done with hiking, but they had loved it and they loved pointing up the mountain and saying, “We climbed that!” It was a super cool, unexpected family adventure. After that, we explored Rocky Mountain park a bit more. We drove up a one-way road with a million switchback turns up a giagantic mountain. At the top we saw elk and caribou and put on our jackets. After a couple more hours of soaking in the scenery we headed to our nighttime destination—somewhere in Wyoming.

Wrong side, Cal.

Scratchy and Smoochie take in the view.

The drive up toward Wyoming from the park is amazing—along a roaring river in a beautiful canyon. The boys missed it because they slept, but it we watched the sunset bounce off the brilliant orange sides of the canyon walls. Great day.

Grand Teton National Park
I had never seen the Teton Mountains before, and once I saw them  from miles and miles away, I couldn’t take my eyes off them. As we drove into Jackson, Wyoming, I was excited to explore the park—well, as much as you can explore a national park with twin three year-olds. We took a tram ride up the mountain at Teton Village—right near where we stayed at Brian’s cousin and aunt’s house. I hate heights but I don’t want to pass on my fear to my kids so I sucked it up and we went up the mountain—as I envisioned falling and being skewered to death on giant pine trees . At the top we walked around a little and the boys played with snow for only the second time in their lives.

WOW.

Tram ride up Rendezvous Mountain at Teton Village

Nice view

Lil' bit colder up here

On top of the world!

Then they had a meltdown on the way back to the tram. They wanted nothing to do with hiking. Brian and I put them on our shoulders for the last 100 yards or so. There was a waffle shack (weird?) at the top so we got waffles with Nutella and they stopped being little punks. Bribing isn’t pretty, people, but it works.

Waffles with Nutella- the key to happiness

When we finished our trip up and down the mountain we drove into the actual Grand Teton National Park (Teton Village is just outside the park). We took a boat ride across a lake at the base of the mountains and went on a hike to a waterfall. The hike was advertised as being a little over a mile. Should we do the whole thing? Going on a hike to a waterfall and not making it to the waterfall is so lame, but if the boys had a meltdown like the one they had a few hours prior, there would be For some reason they were little hiking angels on this hike and it was beautifully fun in the mild mountain summer. Mountain Cow and Mountain Horse had resurfaced! On the way back in the boat, Cal named the boat motors R1 and R2 in honor of his two favorite Robonauts (Pretty sure those are NASA’s only Robonauts). As soon as we turned on the car they fell asleep all the way back to the house. A successful and beautiful day in the Tetons.

Boating across Jenny Lake

Up and up!

Water break

Mommy kisses

Made it all the way to the waterfall!

More water

Tthis cracked rock is way more interesting than the waterfall.

Yellowstone National Park

The third national park we visited is just north of Grand Teton National Park—Yellowstone! I have fond memories of being a kid in Yellowstone, riding around in a mustard yellow station wagon with wood paneling and no air conditioning (known as the Groovy Stuvy Wagon to those familiar to our growing up years)and probably a teenage chip on my shoulder. A walkman in my ears no doubt.

I was also in Yellowstone four years ago on our last road trip—Brian and I drove through it on a whim and spent just a few hours there. We ended up driving between the lake and a wildfire. It was the closest we’d ever been to a wildfire, and it was crazy. There were firefighters all around by the line of the fire, just hanging out eating dinner or whatever, while the mountainside lit up in flames that were consuming the black night. I can’t believe they had the road open still, the fire was so close to it. So. Yellowstone in a station wagon and Yellowstone in a fire were my past experiences.

This year it was of course equally beautiful but it was frustrating that much of the beauty of the place is over the boys’ heads at their age. They were way more into singing songs and eating snacks than the fact that we were on top of a super volcano with wild-colored stones and pools and spitting geysers. We were right next to bison the size of small buses for crying out loud. “Can we watch a DVD?” GRRRR.

We watched Old Faithful, which was cool and they enjoyed. We did some of the small hikes around the springs and geyser pools and I was glad we did. Amazing colors. This makes me almost cry: I lost all of the pictures I took in Yellowstone when my computer died on the way home from our trip. We have only this one from Brian’s phone.

Scratchy and Smoochie at Old Faithful

At the end of the day we only saw a few moose and bison—no bears, which we were looking for. We stayed at an amazing little cabin that I did a review of here. I hope we can take Mountain Horse and Mountain Cow back there when they are older and can appreciate it a little more.

Craters of the Moon

The fourth national park we went to is actually called a national monument, which baffles me and so I’m categorizing it my own way. It most certainly is a park. Craters of the Moon. We had a fun couple hours here, minus the part where Mountain Cow cried and refused to walk so I pulled him.  I wrote about it and put a bunch more pictures of it here. It is such bizarre place—an ancient lava field nestled in rolling farmlands of soutern Idaho. Mountain Cow and Mountain Horse briefly turned into astronauts on the moon at this park.

Astronaut Mountain Horse

Badlands National Park

The fifth and final national park we drove through was Badlands National Park in South Dakota. I also have memories of this park from when I was a teenager in the Groovy Stuvy wagon. I loved our time there. We camped and hiked around on some of the crazy hills. On this trip, however, Mountain Horse and Mountain Cow were not entertained. The Badlands was by far the worst park for us. We simply drove on the loop through the park and early on we decided to get out and walk around a little—show the boys the amazing geologic scenery. The couldn’t handle it. Major meltdown because of something like important a rock in a shoe or a shirt being tucked in when it shouldn’t have been. I think at this point they were done with scenery.

Moments before the epic meltdown

Mount Rushmore National Monument

We also saw Mount Rushmore, and the boys had an equally big meltdown in the midst of all the tourists, but you would never know it to hear them talk about it now. They love to pretend to be the presidents on the mountain and love to point out Mount Rushmore anytime we see a picture of it. (It’s weird how often you see it places)

Pre-meltdown

The stuffed travelers

Post-meltdown Mountain Animals

And that is how Mountain Horse, Mountain Cow, Mountain Goat, and Mountain Dog did five national parks and a national monument this summer.