Being a Port-a-Potty Doorstop

We decided to take the three boys to Brian’s softball game the other night. The weather was beautiful and perfect for the boys to run around and get tons of energy out. They always go to the games with Brian, even when I can’t because they are in heaven, running like wild creatures all over the ball field complex and running the bases whenever there’s a break in action. Those times though, Brian’s mom is usually at the game too, able to keep an eye on them when Brian is in the field and dugout and when he’s batting. They come home with every inch of their bodies covered in dirt, except for those bright white eyes, brimming with crazed, slightly-tamed mischief, and Brian throws them in the bathtub.

This tradition of boys’ night at the ballpark started when I was pregnant and has continued after I’ve had Teddy to watch. I don’t know why we felt the need to change things up that night and let loose the wild things with only me, tied to an infant, to keep them in line. But alas, we did.

Like I said- beautiful night, it started off great with the boys running down the hill in the slanted early evening sunshine from the parking lot to the field, me pushing Teddy in the stroller and feeling all maternal and fulfilled. How naïve I was.

Soon Cal needed to pee. Teddy was fussing in the stroller. There were port-a-pottys close so I told Cal and Clark to go over to one of them, Clark stand by the door while Cal went in and used it and then run back for hand sanitizing. They were uncertain of doing this without me, but somehow they managed it and I didn’t ask for details when they came back.

Of course after awhile Clark needed to go, and by then Teddy was full-on hungry and I was looking for a secluded area in which to nurse him. Clark refused to go potty with only Calvin there by the door so I grudgingly told him I’d go with them. It was then he informed me and the entire group of spectators that he had to poop. Of course he did. Now what?

I pulled the stroller over to the door of the port-a-potty and propped the door open with it. The stench was as bad as you’d expect it to be. I told Cal his job was to stand right by Teddy as I aided Clark, balancing over the precipice of blue water littered with floating feces. Just don’t puke, Dawn. Remember you’re the mom. First he peed and it went all over the back of his pants, so that was a nice start to the experience. Then came the poop. Fortunately there was toilet paper and I quickly took care of things, holding my breath. Teddy started crying and Cal was loudly complaining about the smell and that the door was heavy. It felt like everyone was watching us, a stroller propping open the port-a-potty, two whining boys, and a crying baby. Was this really what my life had become? A port-a-potty doorstop? I wanted to run away.

Anyway, Clark got cleaned up and I deemed that his wet pants were okay for him to keep playing in the dirt. Plus I needed to nurse so the baby would shut up. As we were walking out, Clark said he needed to go again. Are you freaking kidding me? I told Cal to stay with him and I left to nurse, ignoring Clark calling that he wanted me there. Bad mom? Maybe.

I found a semi-secluded area on the other side of a little hill behind home plate. I pulled out my handy nursing cover and got down to business. I was about halfway done when I looked up and saw Clark, pants and underwear around his ankles, doing a shuffle toward me in full view of all spectators. Excellent. Gravel crunched loudly around his feet and I closed my eyes in disbelief.

So, just to summarize in case you missed something: I had a boob in a baby’s mouth, a child coming toward me with no pants or underwear on in full view of the public, yelling at me that he needed help, and a third child laughing at his naked brother. Clark got to me and I made him sit in the grass and take everything off while I finished nursing and then I took out the spare clothes that I have learned to take everywhere with boys.

It felt like everyone in both fields must have seen what was going on with us, and be laughing, but Brian hadn’t even noticed any of the episode. Granted, he was in the outfield, but still I was surprised. We all sanitized up and then the boys proceeded to roll in the dirt and gravel, run through tall grass, and slide into home plate. Teddy finally fell asleep, and we eventually left.

I swear I’ll never do it again, no matter how beckoning the weather, until they are all teenagers. 

Teddy, before the night digressed

The three boys, NOT being disgusting 

How Buzz Lightyear Underwear in My Purse Made My Day- and Other Little Happy Things

I've always had a bit of a poetic fascination and delight in the little things in life. I always get excited about that first moment in fall when you can see your breath, and the first tulip blooms of the spring- things like that. After Brian and I got married I wrote a poem about how much I loved waking up and seeing our slippers next to each other. Seriously.

But having kids makes me even more that way because they get excited about the little things too. And our day-to-day life is filled with little things.

I've been trying to keep mental notes of which little things make me happy after an experience the other day; Cal had a little mini accident in the bathroom at a friend's house. It wasn't a change-everything-and-hop-in-the-bath accident, or even a change-everything-below-the-waist accident. No, it was only a need-to-slip-into-a-clean-pair-of-underwear-and-go-on-with-my-life accident. And I was actually excited, because I had been carrying around this annoying pair of Buzz Lightyear underwear in my purse for about four months. I was vindicated! I was a prepared! Yessss! It rarely seems like I'm a mom prepared, but it did that day.

Another thing that has made me happy the past few days is our new dining room table. It's amazing. And my Valentine's tulips on top make it even better. We sold our other table that had big chairs and was just a stationary, standard table and bought one from Ikea that folds up into a tiny shelf. We bought respectable folding chairs at Costco and with those changes, our dining room has become awesome. When we're done eating we can fold the table down, or at least fold it halfway down, and open up the whole room. When the table is open all the way we can easily fit six chairs around it, and probably eight if we squished. Before, fitting five or six around our old table (which was almost the exact same size) was nearly impossible. Also- there are drawers in the table. Yes. Drawers. Six drawers! Simply exhilarating. They now hold kids bowls and snack containers, bibs, placemats, a I think one drawer is still empty! Props to my awesome husband for the selling and the buying and the moving that made our dining room much more user-friendly.

Half table

half table, different angle

Full table

Folded table- open room!

Here are some other little things that have delighted me lately:

• Newly ripped holes down low in the fencing around the construction site by our house. The boys can look through at the workers and the work without me picking them up!  
• Three nights in a row of no wet beds! 
• Little kindnesses I've experienced from people after my last seizure
• When Clark said the other day, "I'm sure happy that this family is getting another baby." 
• The peapod outfit that my friend Aimee dropped off for Peapod (picture below)
• Being woken up every morning by two happy boys who want to snuggle
• Baseball spring training starting

The boys love little things too. Cal notices the smallest details, it's astonishing. He remembers what clothes people wore the last time we saw them and things like that. They both often comment on how beautiful the weather is, the sky is, the flowers are, and that makes me happy. One day Cal used up several crayons coloring a piece of poster board different shades of blue and declared it to be his Beautiful Blue Sky. He wanted to tape it on the ceiling. It's been taped to our ceiling (with beautiful blue painter's tape) for probably around three months.

So anyway, that dumb pair of Buzz Lightyear underwear in my purse not only made me feel like a prepared mom, it also gave me some other things to think about being thankful for. Which reminds me, I need to replace that pair of underwear in my purse...

Cal's beautiful blue sky

This peapod outfit, complete with knitted hat, was a gift for our little Peapod!

This Week's Poop Similes Wrap-up

"My poop looks like a hotdog!" -Cal

"My poop looks like a peanut!" - Clark

"It looks like a cactus or a fish or something." -Clark

"It looks like a hotdog AGAIN this time!" -Cal

"It's like a baby poop." - Cal

"My poop is like a seahorse!" -Clark

"This time it's a tree!" -Cal

"It looks like a banana. And someone started peeling it already!" -Cal

"It's a small as a crumb." -Clark

"It looks like a snail or a worm maybe." -Clark

"I looks like Buzz Lightyear." -Clark

"Did you hear my poop pop out from my buns?" -Cal

"This is the strongest poop you've ever seen!" -Clark

"Looks like crumbs from a baseball field." -Clark

"Looks like two snakes and a turtle." -Clark

I just couldn't resist sharing. After all, I want to encourage figurative language in my boys.

Here are some of my previous boys and poop thoughts: Poopy diapers and Funny Poop.

Potty Tales and Potty Trails, etc.

The last week and a half before Brian went back to work we started potty training in earnest. Also at that time and directly related to potty training time, we purchased a carpet cleaner. We took off the boys’ pants and diapers and let them run around in their bare buns. There were many frustrating accidents on the carpet, but it was so nice to have two of us to deal with the accidents. I would clean up the perpetrator, throw all contaminated clothes in the washer, put on new clothes, apply the proper amount of (or possibly too much) scolding, while Brian poured in the hot water and fired up the carpet cleaner to take out the nasty potty spot and/or potty trail.

Two days before Brian went back to work Clark had four incidents of peeing on the carpet. We took them to the playground with the potty chair in the van and they still both wet all over the mulch, their cIothes, shoes, and playground equipment. I was absolutely dreading being the only one to deal with two constantly moving pee and poo fountains.

BUT. During the past two Brian-less days there hasn’t been a single carpet accident, only a couple outside accidents of which I do not wish to elaborate on. I’m so proud! They also have started wanting to go, and actually going at the same time—we have a potty chair as well as our potty seat that goes on the toilet so they can do it in the same bathroom. I’ve spent a lot of time coaching from the bathroom footstool, and more intimate time in close quarters with the toilet, spraying urine, and warm feces than I hope to ever have again. I know you’re gagging. I just feel like I need to share my pain with someone.

Gettin' it done, teamwork style

Today we ventured to the park with no diapers and Clark wet himself after running around for awhile, but Cal got to experience for the first time the awesomeness that is being male in the outdoors when nature calls. Lucky.

 
The boys are doing well in the potty department and I’m proud. Next step is getting them to use public toilets so we can be real people and leave the house occasionally. They have some classes at the community center they will start in a few weeks so hopefully they will be easier to take places at that point. Is hoping to not experience anymore warm shit dropping into my hand too much to ask?

The sticker chart was bursting so I had to lengthen it!

Since this is not only a blog but also my scrapbook, here are some other pictures from recent happenings.

Went to Totally Trucks. Yes, Cal has bacon and eggs band-aids on his knees.

Clark ran the little excavator.



Worked a construction job with Baby Alex

Were in Aunt Julie's wedding



Got the rings down the aisle

Drank smoothies

Brian made pickles.

Put fins to the left, fins to the right...

Fading graffiti

Even less graffiti

Guitar wall

Made a Cheerio bird feeder

Built a tower all by himself

Drank more smoothies

Thursday Thesicle

It's not victory exactly; it is victory approximately.