Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Words, words, words

I've gotten behind on my posting. Somehow I don't seem to have much time for writing these days... For a long time I've been meaning to compile quotes from the boys that I paste on my facebook personal profile, but never put on the blog. These are from the past year. Which one is your favorite?

Clark: "Mommy if I wasn't in your family I would marry you and give you kisses and hugs all the time. "

Clark: "Last week I was a man. My doctor told me I will turn into a girl tomorrow."

While snuggling with my morning snugglers: Cal: "Mom, your feet are the greatest feet." Me: "Why?" Cal: "Because they feel like wood on the bottom." 

"Mom, I just saw a sound wave. It was greyish and it moved really slowly. I think it was Teddy crying." -Cal

Mom, I'm a superhero, here to take away your seizures.

"I know what I want to be for Halloween next year. A stranger." -Cal

After a weekend visit from New York friends with two little girls: "I want to marry one of those girls who live in New York City. What are their names again?" -Clark

Cal: "Mom, if you were a caring parent you'd let me do whatever I want. I guess you can't be my mom anymore. You can be someone else's mom. I guess I need to go to a special school where the teacher will let you be bad." This one will be a fun teenager.

"Mom don't come in, I'm nursing Clark right now."

Today's top Cal-isms: 1. Me: "CALVIN! Stop trying to drink the rice off your plate! I've said it twice. It's going all over the floor." Cal: "Well, would you like to join me, Mom?" 2. Me: "CALVIN! Don't slam the fridge door like that." Cal: "In the afternoon I'm stronger than in the morning so I can't help it."

Brian: " Dogs have really good senses of smell." Cal: "Can a dog in North Carolina smell a dog in Kansas City?"

"When can I play Algebra 2?" "And when can we drink alcohol?" -Cal

"Mom, I love your new hair cut. You're as beautiful as a butterfly." -Cal

"Look, Mom I've got maternity pants on!"

Cal: "Ohh, Mom, what are these on my pants?" Me: "Those are called grass stains." Cal: "Wow, they are so beautiful."

The boys' latest baby name ideas: Zamboni, Slapshot, Fred, Lasagna. We're clearly making headway since one of these is an actual name.

Me: "Calvin, you need to obey me quicker. That took way too long." Cal: "I love you and you're pretty."

"I want a brother. Cal wants a sister. If it's a brother, I win. If it's a girl, Cal wins. I really love winning games." -Clark

Alex to Clark: "You're cute." Clark: "I'm not cute! Cats and dogs are cute!"

"Mom, you're cuter than my last mommy." -Cal

"I'm going to be an artist when I grow up. I'll draw Spiderman and everything. And lots of other stuff. And videos." -Cal

Brian and Clark are talking about volcanoes. Cal comes over. Cal coughs. Cal coughs again, and smugly declares : "My coughing destroyed your conversation."

I overheard the boys talking about a boy we recently saw at a wedding who we hadn't seen for almost two years. Cal: "Charles is so much bigger than he used to be." Clark: "I know! He's SO tall! He's taller than his MOM!" Cal: "Yeah, that dude is HIGH!" 

"Why did my milk make a U-turn in my mouth and come right out?" Clarky

Cal: "Mom I don't want to say good morning to you until I put on my pants. And I know that's rid-ick-lee-us."

"Goodnight, Mom. I'm going to wake up as a monster." - Cal

Cal: "When I'm too old to play baseball I want to be a car-fixer." Me: "Cool. Do you want to own your own car business? You could call it Cal's Cars. Cal: "No, I'd want to call it Raisin." Clark: "Yeah, Raisin.org."

"If a spider ate us, would it take forEVER?" -Cal

Cal: "Mom did you know that if you feed babies soda they will grow nine kidneys?"

Clark: "Mom, oftentimes when I'm brushing my teeth I forget that I don't need to squeeze the tube so hard. I don't do it very well." This is what happens when English teachers have children together.

Cal: "Mom, can we have breast milk with dinner?"

Me: "Go to your bedroom right now, Calvin." Calvin, whining: "How long do I have to stay there?" Me: "Until I feel like having you out here again." Pause. Calvin: "That makes no sense."

Clark: "Hey Cal, remind me that I need to poop." Cal: "Cool." I don't understand this kind of talk. Is it because I'm a girl?

"Dad your voice smells yucky when you get up in the morning." -Cal

"I don't want to have another baby. Do you know why? Teddy is the best baby on Earth. I only love him the best on all the Earth." -Cal

"Mom, do you have nipples? I forgot." -Clark

"Mom, I'm a gorilla and I'm scratching my tummy to communicate to you that I like the smoothie you made for me." -Clark

Clark: "My head hurts. Maybe it's from too much thinking." (brow furrow) "Wait. Is too much thinking a thing, Mom?"

"When did they design poop? When was it not alive?" -Cal

Clark: "So where are the Wright brothers NOW?" Cal: "They're taking a shower." Clark: "Oh. Because they're dirty and stinky?" Cal: "Yep."

"Mom, I'm so excited to see Alex today. I would pay a worker $55 from my wallet to get to see her." -Cal (He has neither $55 nor a wallet)

"Mom, you need to get off your feet." -Clark

"Calvin! Stop saying that. Gooder is not a word. It's better. Mom, Cal always says gooder but it's really better." -Clark

Latest baby name ideas from the boys: Leprechaun, Banana Chip, Pretty Tree, and Tom Jefferson. So helpful.

Latest in the baby name search: Crosson Sauce, Milk Cup, and they won't stop with the Fred and Slapshot.

Cal: "Mom, why do ladies look nicer than mans?"

Clark, looking at his reflection in the oatmeal pan: "Look, there's my neck, but not my handsome head. My lovely, beautiful neck."

Me: "Cal! Did you hear me, Cal?" Cal: "No. I have sound memory loss."

The boys' latest baby name suggestions: Balcony and Alcohol. I do enjoy a little balcony wine from time to time, but I'm not going to name my child after it. We seem to be regressing...

Clark made my bedroom his locker room this morning as he put on his Alex Ovechkin jersey. "I need privacy here, Mom. Did you know Ovechkin is still Ovechkin even when he's naked?"

"Do construction workers go to heaven?" -Clark

I was about to take a plain grey shirt out of my closet this morning when Clark weighed in: "No, you should wear something pretty because you're a girl." Today I wore a pink shirt.

Baby name update: Clark wants to name him "Horse Collar Tackle 15 Yard Penalty." Cal still votes for "Kevin Bacon." Meanwhile, Brian and I are all out of boy names we both like so... this kid could be in trouble.

Cal: "Clark, why don't you like milk in your Cheerios?" Clark: "Well, I just grew up not liking milk in my Cheerios."

"I like terrible songs." -Cal "I smell underwear." -Clark Yaaay, more boys...

"I'm not crying. My eye is drooling." -Cal

"I know what we should name the baby! Kevin Bacon!" -Calvin

"Mom, football is rough. You need to learn how to be rough. I'll teach you." -Clark

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