Monday, June 24, 2013

Waiting to Explode

As I've been waiting to explode for the past week, I've been in various places and usually the thought crosses my head, "What if I had the baby here?"

I've had contractions on three different days but they haven't lasted for very long, so nothing has become of them. So still, I wait.

These started out as places I've actually visited recently and then kind of spiraled...

Worst places to give birth:

1. All bathrooms in general, but of specific horror would be:

           a. bathroom at the pool- aided only by scantily-clad tweens and their iPhones
           b. port-a-potty at the playground- the accident possibilties are terrifying
           c. bathroom at the softball fields- stainless steel toilets and damp cement floors
           d. airplane bathroom- (would it even work?) emergency landing

2. In the middle of a quiet church service- front row

3. In the plush leather passenger seat of my mother-in-law's car as she's giving me a ride

4. In the brilliant blue-green kiddie pool surrounded by children, including my own

5. While getting a massage in a dimly-lit room with a gurgling zen fountain, naked with a stranger- only about a quarter of the way into it

6. At the hair salon with its bright-white walls, plentiful mirrors, and beautifully-clipped and manicured hair dressers in perfect clothes

7. In the slowest checkout line at the grocery store- probably when I finally found my favorite pickles and chocolate to buy

8. Old Navy fitting room while daringly trying on skinny jeans for no real reason

9. Vacation Bible School puppet show

10. Anytime when I'm out alone anywhere and forgot my cell phone (as if I ever misplace my phone)

11. On the bus with my kids, miles from home, next to a creepy man/woman/creature

12. In the stands at a baseball game- a really exciting one, maybe in extra innings (on second thought, this might be cool...eventually)

13. On my tan microfiber couch with guests visiting

14. On a carnival ride- think Ferris wheel or roller coaster

Ready or not, here we go!


  1. When I was pregnant, my big fear was the metro during rush hour. If I ever have to give birth in a very public place, I would hope for one of those self serve yogurt places. So much better than chewing on ice cubes!

    1. Oh man, metro during rush hour would be horrible. Maybe I should hang out at frozen yogurt places. That does sound WAY better than ice cubes! Great idea! Yum.


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