Monday, December 16, 2013

The Search for Lumpiness

Last year we had our encounter with Lumpy Tree and her hideous gift of spiders on Christmas Day. Here is the tale of finding Lumpy Tree last year, and here is the tale of Lumpy's creepy crawly gift. And here is a picture of the original Lumpy Tree.


Here are the ways I aptly described last year's original Lumpy:

·         A hairball that a large pine tree puked out, that then grew a stump and stuck around
·         Two trees that fell in love, started growing together as one and then got in a giant fight but couldn't quite separate again
·         Twin trees, where one was always bigger and stronger and eventually ate the smaller one
·         A tree that grew close to a nuclear facility



Well this year we went out in search of Lumpy II. The thing is, we ended up at a tree farm (the one Lumpy came from was closed) on a weekday when they only allow cut-your-own trees on weekends. We were determined to find Lumpy II and find her that day. This year we went with Aunt Julie, Uncle John, and their tiny new baby Clara. It was Teddy's first tree and we decided to get it on a snow day last week when Brian was out of school. So I bundled him up in layers and took him out.

Baby boy leggings: just say yes
The woman at the tree stand said we could walk around the lot behind the already-cut trees. It was a lot that hadn't yielded Christmas trees for around twenty years. Sounds cool, we thought. Kind of like trekking through an Idaho forest looking for a tree, which is a fun childhood memory for me.

Turns out it's harder to find a lumpy tree amongst a bunch of really crappy trees than it is to find a lumpy tree amongst perfect triangle Christmas trees. We ended up trying to find the tree that most resembled a normal Christmas tree. I think that, considering the options, we did a pretty good job. We trudged along in the wet snow for about 45 minutes before we settled on our tree. Ultimately we left it up to the boys, who claimed that Lumpy II was, "so beautiful." But I think it's more Spindly Tree or Tipping Tree than another Lumpy Tree. It's tilty and spazzy. It looks like it's about to tip over, when it in fact the tree stand proves that it is not. Its branches shoot off in random directions and its needles are as sharp as knives. Not only was I inwardly grimacing that I didn't get a perfect, suburban mom triangle tree (even though I had consented to find a lump again) as I decorated it, but I was physically grimacing from the pain caused by wrestling the ornaments over the limbs.

It also took us a couple days to get around to decorating her because of several Christmas light catastrophes that I don't care to get in to. So, here she is: the photo story of the lovely Tipping Tree.

One of the stellar options "rainbow tree!"
But Teddy doesn't approve
Beautiful ice on the walk in the wild
Calvin declares this is the one!
We're committed now.
Good view of the tipping-ness
 Asymmetrical is the new symmetrical.
I feel like this really shows the girth well.
To four year-olds, and even a 5 month-old, it's beauty...
and I suppose that's what matters.



Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Catching Up is Hard to Do: Our Months in Pictures

So many fun (and some not fun) things have happened that I haven't written about. So, instead of writing about them in any kind of  detail, I'm posting some pictures and captions for posterity and moving on with my life. Here are some things we've done lately.

Highlights: My parents visited from Idaho in October and Aunt Bean (my sister Crystal) is visiting from Ecuador on her way back to Idaho. Blastball (pre-T-ball) ended, basketball class ended, hockey is in full swing- the boys skating is improving by leaps and bounds. Thanksgiving went well-- here and in Richmond. We got two new nieces! Teddy has started jumping and eating solid food.

Cal became a farmer at Cox Farms' fall festival.,
Teddy fell asleep on Papa at Cox Farms
The boys are going strong with hockey-
so much so that Clark does push-ups to get ready.
How often will this happen? All three boys with all four grandparents
at the last Blastball game of the season
Teddy's cheeks getting some quality Uncle A time
We threw together an early Thanksgiving dinner with relatives
from the area...however for this picture we missed four of them...
We named it Thankstoberfest.
We lazily abandoned our Halloween plans of making the boys into a refrigerator
and a toilet (their requests) for Halloween and instead got horrible fake teeth,
fake blood and fake scars and put them in their hockey gear-- mean
hockey players who escaped the penalty box!
This was Teddy's first time meeting Papa!
Mom and Dad took the boys to Toys R Us for early Christmas
presents, including this hockey game that is ALWAYS in use.
Plenty of piggy-back ridin'
Goofy
Conducted experiments and made art
with Halloween candy
Aunt Bean came to town!
Cal, Clark, and Teddy got two new cousins in November!
Here is little Clara at Thanksgiving dinner. We will
meet little Ivy after Christmas.
We went to Richmond for  our traditional day after Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving dinner.
Uncle Pierre made wooden swords...yaaaay...
Did some skating at the downtown Richmond rink
Uncle Pierre found a hockey player.
Aunt Bean brought a hat from Peru for Teddy.
...and Ecuador soccer jerseys for Cal and Clark
Morning coffee/hot chocolate with Aunt Bean
Football with Aunt Bean
Some hardcore Candyland complete with a little trash talk
Decorating the living room wall with Spidermen? Thanks, Bean.
I got a picture of all three boys smiling.
A superhero and a cowboy took a nap at my  house.
Teddy got a Jumparoo!
We had a striped pajamas party.
Teddy had his first solid food. He only likes applesauce and pumpkin pie.
Brian took Cal and Clark in full hockey gear and Teddy grocery shopping.
Teddy met fire. And liked it.
Aunt Bean tie-dyed shirts with Cal and Clark.
Only a little dye strayed from the shirts...
Final products!
Teddy went on the bus and metro for the first time.
He is ambivalent about them and declines comment.
Did some museuming and Christmas tree-looking downtown with Aunt Bean
Theodore Crosson, concerned citizen, took his
concerns to Congress.
He is optimistic that his concerns will be addressed.
And his hair is also excited about having done
its civic duty.
One Monday Teddy woke up frumpy.
That about sums up October, November, and the first four days of December. Next time I'll actually write some words. Maybe.

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Words, words, words

I've gotten behind on my posting. Somehow I don't seem to have much time for writing these days... For a long time I've been meaning to compile quotes from the boys that I paste on my facebook personal profile, but never put on the blog. These are from the past year. Which one is your favorite?

Clark: "Mommy if I wasn't in your family I would marry you and give you kisses and hugs all the time. "

Clark: "Last week I was a man. My doctor told me I will turn into a girl tomorrow."

While snuggling with my morning snugglers: Cal: "Mom, your feet are the greatest feet." Me: "Why?" Cal: "Because they feel like wood on the bottom." 

"Mom, I just saw a sound wave. It was greyish and it moved really slowly. I think it was Teddy crying." -Cal

Mom, I'm a superhero, here to take away your seizures.

"I know what I want to be for Halloween next year. A stranger." -Cal

After a weekend visit from New York friends with two little girls: "I want to marry one of those girls who live in New York City. What are their names again?" -Clark

Cal: "Mom, if you were a caring parent you'd let me do whatever I want. I guess you can't be my mom anymore. You can be someone else's mom. I guess I need to go to a special school where the teacher will let you be bad." This one will be a fun teenager.

"Mom don't come in, I'm nursing Clark right now."

Today's top Cal-isms: 1. Me: "CALVIN! Stop trying to drink the rice off your plate! I've said it twice. It's going all over the floor." Cal: "Well, would you like to join me, Mom?" 2. Me: "CALVIN! Don't slam the fridge door like that." Cal: "In the afternoon I'm stronger than in the morning so I can't help it."

Brian: " Dogs have really good senses of smell." Cal: "Can a dog in North Carolina smell a dog in Kansas City?"

"When can I play Algebra 2?" "And when can we drink alcohol?" -Cal

"Mom, I love your new hair cut. You're as beautiful as a butterfly." -Cal

"Look, Mom I've got maternity pants on!"

Cal: "Ohh, Mom, what are these on my pants?" Me: "Those are called grass stains." Cal: "Wow, they are so beautiful."

The boys' latest baby name ideas: Zamboni, Slapshot, Fred, Lasagna. We're clearly making headway since one of these is an actual name.

Me: "Calvin, you need to obey me quicker. That took way too long." Cal: "I love you and you're pretty."

"I want a brother. Cal wants a sister. If it's a brother, I win. If it's a girl, Cal wins. I really love winning games." -Clark

Alex to Clark: "You're cute." Clark: "I'm not cute! Cats and dogs are cute!"

"Mom, you're cuter than my last mommy." -Cal

"I'm going to be an artist when I grow up. I'll draw Spiderman and everything. And lots of other stuff. And videos." -Cal

Brian and Clark are talking about volcanoes. Cal comes over. Cal coughs. Cal coughs again, and smugly declares : "My coughing destroyed your conversation."

I overheard the boys talking about a boy we recently saw at a wedding who we hadn't seen for almost two years. Cal: "Charles is so much bigger than he used to be." Clark: "I know! He's SO tall! He's taller than his MOM!" Cal: "Yeah, that dude is HIGH!" 

"Why did my milk make a U-turn in my mouth and come right out?" Clarky

Cal: "Mom I don't want to say good morning to you until I put on my pants. And I know that's rid-ick-lee-us."

"Goodnight, Mom. I'm going to wake up as a monster." - Cal

Cal: "When I'm too old to play baseball I want to be a car-fixer." Me: "Cool. Do you want to own your own car business? You could call it Cal's Cars. Cal: "No, I'd want to call it Raisin." Clark: "Yeah, Raisin.org."

"If a spider ate us, would it take forEVER?" -Cal

Cal: "Mom did you know that if you feed babies soda they will grow nine kidneys?"

Clark: "Mom, oftentimes when I'm brushing my teeth I forget that I don't need to squeeze the tube so hard. I don't do it very well." This is what happens when English teachers have children together.

Cal: "Mom, can we have breast milk with dinner?"

Me: "Go to your bedroom right now, Calvin." Calvin, whining: "How long do I have to stay there?" Me: "Until I feel like having you out here again." Pause. Calvin: "That makes no sense."

Clark: "Hey Cal, remind me that I need to poop." Cal: "Cool." I don't understand this kind of talk. Is it because I'm a girl?

"Dad your voice smells yucky when you get up in the morning." -Cal

"I don't want to have another baby. Do you know why? Teddy is the best baby on Earth. I only love him the best on all the Earth." -Cal

"Mom, do you have nipples? I forgot." -Clark

"Mom, I'm a gorilla and I'm scratching my tummy to communicate to you that I like the smoothie you made for me." -Clark

Clark: "My head hurts. Maybe it's from too much thinking." (brow furrow) "Wait. Is too much thinking a thing, Mom?"

"When did they design poop? When was it not alive?" -Cal

Clark: "So where are the Wright brothers NOW?" Cal: "They're taking a shower." Clark: "Oh. Because they're dirty and stinky?" Cal: "Yep."

"Mom, I'm so excited to see Alex today. I would pay a worker $55 from my wallet to get to see her." -Cal (He has neither $55 nor a wallet)

"Mom, you need to get off your feet." -Clark

"Calvin! Stop saying that. Gooder is not a word. It's better. Mom, Cal always says gooder but it's really better." -Clark

Latest baby name ideas from the boys: Leprechaun, Banana Chip, Pretty Tree, and Tom Jefferson. So helpful.

Latest in the baby name search: Crosson Sauce, Milk Cup, and they won't stop with the Fred and Slapshot.

Cal: "Mom, why do ladies look nicer than mans?"

Clark, looking at his reflection in the oatmeal pan: "Look, there's my neck, but not my handsome head. My lovely, beautiful neck."

Me: "Cal! Did you hear me, Cal?" Cal: "No. I have sound memory loss."

The boys' latest baby name suggestions: Balcony and Alcohol. I do enjoy a little balcony wine from time to time, but I'm not going to name my child after it. We seem to be regressing...

Clark made my bedroom his locker room this morning as he put on his Alex Ovechkin jersey. "I need privacy here, Mom. Did you know Ovechkin is still Ovechkin even when he's naked?"

"Do construction workers go to heaven?" -Clark

I was about to take a plain grey shirt out of my closet this morning when Clark weighed in: "No, you should wear something pretty because you're a girl." Today I wore a pink shirt.

Baby name update: Clark wants to name him "Horse Collar Tackle 15 Yard Penalty." Cal still votes for "Kevin Bacon." Meanwhile, Brian and I are all out of boy names we both like so... this kid could be in trouble.

Cal: "Clark, why don't you like milk in your Cheerios?" Clark: "Well, I just grew up not liking milk in my Cheerios."

"I like terrible songs." -Cal "I smell underwear." -Clark Yaaay, more boys...

"I'm not crying. My eye is drooling." -Cal

"I know what we should name the baby! Kevin Bacon!" -Calvin

"Mom, football is rough. You need to learn how to be rough. I'll teach you." -Clark

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Cal and Clark's Thanks

It's Thanksgiving week so I asked the boys what they are thankful for.

Thankful: "You like something that someone gave you" -Clark

Calvin is thankful:
for lots of food
for having a nice house
having a nice and big car
for the rain
for our scooters
for Teddy
for having money to play hockey
for our superhero wallets
for to have a nice mom
for all of our cups
for having all of our towels
for our 60 story building
for all our crayons ad pencils
for all our canteens
for a nice Daddy
for my clothes


Clark is thankful:
that we have comfortable jammies
for how we're behaving
that we have a good family
for that the Caps don't lose
for Teddy
that the hockey game we love but we're sad that your team lost
for having a nice car
for having a nice wedding for Mom and Dad
for having a nice winter together
for having a nice house when the weather is fine going outside to play
for having a nice Caps game we went to
for having nice trees that God made and beautiful brides at weddings
for having a nice house
for not dying when a shelf falls right on your head
for a nice Mommy and Daddy
for Gammy Crosson
for having a nice dance together

Three of my many blessings

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

How I'm Not a Pioneer- and Other Observations

I haven’t studied life as a pioneer— early American or any other sort— but I grew up reading Laura Ingles Wilder and early American Girl book collections with the best of ‘em. That was back when there were only three American Girls and they involved passably well-written books with cute pictures- no American Girl salons where you went to get all salon-ified with your doll that cost your parents a small fortune to buy, let alone to clothe. I just found out there’s even a doll hospital with an admission form for when your doll is “sick.” Okay, I have to admit the form is a pretty stinkin’ cute idea for how to get your doll repaired. And if I had a girl I’d probably be first in line to get one of the dolls, or more likely, to buy the Up and Up brand knock-off doll from Target. (I don’t think that’s a thing.) I’ve also completed some American History and American English courses in my day. I’ve toured preserved pioneer towns in states like Minnesota and North Dakota. My point is, I have a vague idea of what pioneer life was like in early America.

I have now been a stay at home mom for nearly four years in a fairly updated condo with not only modern plumbing but electricity and stainless steel appliances. I live in a town that is in most places a squeaky-clean suburb, boasting things like wine and fine arts festivals and an organic cupcakery, in a comparatively wealthy county that has some of the best schools in the country, in a state that flat-out rocks, (slogan: Virginia is for Lovers)(peanuts and ham, are you kidding me? Awesome.) in a country that, though a little politically rocky now and then, still is the best democratic experiment ever experimented and in which we have freedoms that many don’t. Long sentence’s interpretation: I do not live the rustic life of a pioneer woman, even though at the end of the day I feel like I have been rubbing my face on a metal washboard in the sun all day.

What I want to know is how in God’s good name did they do it? They had to do things, at least in my mind, like hunt and eat jackrabbits and walk through blizzards in skirts with no gloves. They gave birth with no meds to twelve children and still could fit into their petticoats and bloomers afterwards (probably within hours). They rode on animals, milked animals, slaughtered animals, and preserved and prepared them for their families for dinner. They must have had to do things like scrub outhouses and sew underwear for the menfolk that had to withstand various forms of farming. They probably also helped pull the beams up for new houses. They rocked the once-a-week warm water bath heated by fire. They did all this without power, running water, appliances of any kind, wine festivals, or an edgy state slogan. I suppose some of their extreme industriousness was due to the fact that they also did without Pinterest, HULU Plus, Facebook, Costco, extracurricular after-school robotics clubs, and kids’ weekend basketball tournaments in Ontario.

As I am slaving away in the kitchen, deftly wrestling some frozen chicken breasts into the crockpot whilst still in my pajamas because they’re easier to nurse in, I wonder how they did it. I feel a little embarrassed that I have an ice maker in my freezer and a rice cooker. But then I realize that we have these conveniences due in part to the kick-assery of these women and men. Maybe they are looking down at us smiling because of the advances of modernity. I hope they aren’t cursing at us.

We live in a time when our challenges are different, I tell myself. I have to do things like walk all three children around on sidewalks without letting them get hit by traffic. I have to remember to pack snacks for when the bus or train is late or swim class makes them hungry. I need to monitor what the kids watch on TV and arrange playdates with upstanding toddlers. I remember who is gluten-free, lactose-intolerant, and has food allergies. I plan seasonal kids’ crafts and study the YMCA and community center children’s classes. I have to attempt to take back library books before they accrue fines. I navigate Craig’s List for stroller frames and gliders with the greatest of ease. I have to memorize the local bus schedule and figure out how to remember my medicine so I don’t have seizures. I have to package and freeze my pumped-out extra breast milk. I plan and cook most meals. (Thank goodness I don’t have to also do the grocery shopping.) I have to remember where all the public restrooms are located at parks, museums, and at any given moment on a walk. I have to remember my keys, which for me is a constant challenge that makes Brian want to sign divorce papers and be done with it all. Moms and dads all over do these same things and many more. These aren’t as physically demanding and the actual lives of our children don’t depend on them. But the quality of life does depend on them. We could depend on the television and Papa John’s to raise the kids. Of course both of those things have their places, but I mean solely TV and pizza.

I still don’t understand how those pioneer moms did so much. Maybe they had secrets we can’t imagine today. Maybe venison, jackrabbit stew, and giant fresh carrots provided extra boosts of energy for them. I sit here eating my granola and listening to the hammering of the construction site next door. I hear the hiss of the bus stopping across the street, and see the red taillights of morning traffic. I watch my little life wake up and I like it.

*It should be noted that the three children have not yet risen, allowing me delicious silence to watch and listen to the world around me. And also that I began this blog entry over a month ago, added to it three weeks ago, and then forgot about it. And I’m actually not sure I haven’t already published it on the blog, though I couldn’t find it, so hopefully not.

How my boys work in the field
It's a rough life: had to hike to an outdoor summer concert



Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Really? 4?

My Theodore John is four months old today. It sounds weird to say because it felt like the last three or four months of pregnancy took FOR. EV. ER. And now the last four months have flown past. We're still all head-over-heels in love with this guy, even though Clark today proclaimed that he's cute but he's the cutest when he's asleep.

He is still a chunk, too. He weighs over 15lbs now and most of his clothes are size 9 months! It works out perfectly for seasonal hand-me-down clothes because though the boys were three months older at this time of the year, they were in about the same size clothes.




For more Teddy-monthly-progression in pictures, go here.

Thursday, October 31, 2013

Poetry Anymore

I don’t write poetry anymore

I wonder why and
without thinking know that it’s because
my life is the opposite
of poetry

I don’t have time to
ponder to
wonder to
see the world in resounding metaphors
and clever imagery
that makes people
calmly smile into their tea
or tap their fingers gently on their chins

Most of my pens are 
out of 
ink
or in that cupboard with the oatmeal and rice
because they fell out the back of the
crammed-full junk drawer

My pencils have robots and aliens on them so I can't
take them seriously 
plus the lead is dull

And when I type it’s
grocery lists and obscure queries:
“What does a pinworm look like?”
“How long does it take to thaw a turkey?”

The most poetic thing I’ve heard in days is
our balcony wind chime singing now
in the silent, sleeping evening
when my thoughts are palpable and come in
complete sentences with periods and everything

not interrupted by
burning chicken nuggets,
splattering paint,
poop explosions in
diapers
pants
toilets
floors
floors by toilets

These delicious evenings when I’m
too tired
to
write poems so I
read I
watch baseball I
do dishes
and neglect my True Love—
Writing

No wonder I don’t write poetry anymore
I never notice it

Thursday Thesicle


Grandparents will travel thousands of miles for a 
moment like this in a park with a grandson.


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