Poetry Anymore

I don’t write poetry anymore

I wonder why and
without thinking know that it’s because

my life is the opposite
of poetry

I don’t have time to
ponder to
wonder to
see the world in resounding metaphors
and clever imagery
that makes people
calmly smile into their tea
or tap their fingers gently on their chins

Most of my pens are 

out of 

ink
or in that cupboard with the oatmeal and rice
because they fell out the back of the
crammed-full junk drawer

My pencils have robots and aliens on them so I can't
take them seriously 

plus the lead is dull

And when I type it’s
grocery lists and obscure queries:
“What does a pinworm look like?”
“How long does it take to thaw a turkey?”

The most poetic thing I’ve heard in days is
our balcony wind chime singing now
in the silent, sleeping evening
when my thoughts are palpable and come in
complete sentences with periods and everything

not interrupted by
burning chicken nuggets,
splattering paint,
poop explosions in

diapers
pants
toilets
floors
floors by toilets

These delicious evenings when I’m
too tired

to
write poems so I
read I
watch baseball I
do dishes
and neglect my True Love—

Writing

No wonder I don’t write poetry anymore
I never notice it

Thursday Thesicle

Grandparents will travel thousands of miles for a 

moment like this in a park with a grandson.

Papa Meets Teddy and some Firsts

Late last night my parents flew in on a plane from Idaho. So this morning Papa got to meet little Teddy for the first time! He was, of course, smiling and cooing and loved his Papa right away.

Teddy also had a couple other firsts yesterday: his first swing on a real, outside swing, and his first experience with an exersaucer. His first roll-over is under review. Here are the ranging swing emotions:

Mild concern

Cautious intrigue

Unexpected elation

Pure enjoyment

The part where he tries to eat the zipper on his jacket

What, this old swing? Been swingin' in it for years. NBD

We were loaned an exersaucer (see below if you don't speak modern parenting tongue) that Teddy is barely big enough for. His little toes barely touch the bottom. He likes it, but I think Cal and Clark like it more than Teddy.

So much to look at/listen to/touch/eat

The boys claim that Teddy rolled over the other day. I think he came very close to rolling over and was physically encouraged to roll over by an older brother. But both older brothers are banding together and claiming that he really rolled over all by himself. The weird thing is that I haven't seen an actual roll-over since the alleged roll-over. 

Teddy's first roll-over?

We spent Papa and Grandma's first day with their grandsons playing a lot of sports. Papa and the boys had a rousing, and probably irresponsible hockey game inside, we all played baseball outside, football outside, and, much to the chagrin of our downstairs neighbor, a little football inside. We also did some picnicking, grocery shopping, cooking, and took in the first innings of the first game of the World Series(Red Sox, yay!). Now Grandma and Papa have escaped the crazy world of our condo and are sleeping quietly in their comfortable quarters at Brian's parents' house. And we have a whole six and a half days left with them!

Brothers!

(looks like a) Selfie!

Teddy is concerned by the picnic

Is Teddy really Teddy when his hair isn't showing?

Clark, rockin' the homemade sports jersey (masking tape number)

Scored the double steering wheel cart at the supermarket!

The Next Ones

I averaged about two seizures each year over the past ten years. But in less than a year now I've had five seizures. Yesterday I had the fifth one-- the second one since I had Teddy. It was absolutely and completely my own fault this time. I had forgotten to take my medicine. The time before yesterday was in August, and that was when my neurologist had me cut back on my dosage too quickly and I had one in our street with all three boys. Fortunately for that one Brian was just upstairs in our house and Calvin sprinted up to get him while Clark stayed with Teddy. Awesome kids.

Yesterday my dear friend Missy stayed with me after she was going to drop us all off because I had felt a sometimes-seizure-indicating tremor while we were out. So when I had the seizure I was not only safe at home, I was safe at home with Missy to take care of the FIVE children that were there. It inconveniently happened on a rare day that I was watching little Alex, who I used to watch all the time. I fell into a wall and got a black eye and bit my tongue all up.

I hate my situation so much. I have sole responsibility for the lives of my children and sometimes others' children too, and yet I can't always guarantee that I will be capable-- even conscious-- throughout my responsibility. I find myself wondering if having children was a smart decision. Every day they are in jeopardy because of my seizures. And then I get bummed out about it and sad and wonder if my seizures will get worse and worse or stay the same or get better. I'm sad that my seizures scare my kids and husband. And then my medication makes me spacey and I forget what I was worrying about. I know it could be much, much worse.

It's an odd and helpless feeling to have your own body fighting against you in this way-- I'm sure in any way.

One thing is for certain; I am blessed to have so many people who are willing to drop everything and help me when I need it.

My eye from yesterday

My knees from the street in August

Thursday Thesicle

It's exhilarating to find the perfect birthday card.

inside: "I like that. (The comfortable part, not the farting part.) Happy Birthday"

Lumpy Pumpkin and Hartland: The Traditions Continue

You may remember our Lumpy Tree saga from last Christmas- both when we got it (click here) and when we found its lovely little gifts (click here). Well, today we found Lumpy Pumpkin at the pumpkin patch! I was decidedly more happy to find Lumpy Pumpkin than I was to find and accept Lumpy Tree into my Christmastime life.

It's Lumpy Pumpkin!

For many years now we've been going to Hartland Orchards to pick produce. Brian and I first went when we were dating to pick apples and have been going back ever since. Today was a beautiful day to go pumpkin' fetchin' after a solid week of rainy days. We took my brother and his girlfriend and hit the pumpkin patch and their fall festival. But before I share pictures from today I wanted to go look at some past pictures at Hartland. Here is one case where my picture organization pays off. Finding these pictures was easy!

apples at Hartland, 2005

Brian kicking a rotten apple off the hood of our jeep...
Hartland, 2006

Caramel apples at Hartland with my sis, 2007

Caramel apple at Hartland, 2008

The boys first visit to Hartland, 2010

pumpkin and nose pickin', 2010 

classic Clark-toss at Hartland, 2010

Hartland pumpkins, 2011

Hartland apples, 2011

raspberries at Hartland, 2012

Hartland peaches, 2012

strawberries at Hartland, 2012

apples and pumpkins at Hartland, 2012

Hartland blackberries and raspberries, 2013

Teddy Pumpkin makes it to Hartland, 2013

And some more pictures from today's visit...

Teddy photo-bombs a sweet picture of Kierra and her pumpkin.

LUMPY PUMPKIN!!

Teddy's not really enjoying the pumpkin patch so much.

The boys jump off the giant chair

Teddy considers the concept of pumpkin picking in general.

Uncle A and the giant bouncy pillow!

Calvin buried in corn

Feeding goats

Teddy loved the hay ride.

Helpful signs in the corn maze

Thursday Thesicle

Dressing them nicely doesn't mean they'll behave nicely.

Theodore John, Clark Aaron, and Calvin Kenneth, Three Months

I can't help it. I'm so in love. Teddy is three months old and I need to commemorate it briefly in pictures.

I compared Teddy's pictures with Cal and Clark's pictures at the same age.

Cal and Clark, 1 month old

Cal and Clark, 2 months old

Clark, 3 months old

Calvin, 3 months old

I didn't think they looked similar at all until I looked at these pictures, and I can now see a resemblance...sort of. Don't tell Cal and Clark, but Teddy is totally cuter at three months than they were. Teddy is also MUCH bigger. He is already, as a barely-three-month-old, growing out of clothes they were swimming in at four months. #chasethechunk