The Search for Lumpiness

Last year we had our encounter with Lumpy Tree and her hideous gift of spiders on Christmas Day. Here is the tale of finding Lumpy Tree last year, and here is the tale of Lumpy's creepy crawly gift. And here is a picture of the original Lumpy Tree.

Here are the ways I aptly described last year's original Lumpy:

·         A hairball that a large pine tree puked out, that then grew a stump and stuck around

·         Two trees that fell in love, started growing together as one and then got in a giant fight but couldn't quite separate again

·         Twin trees, where one was always bigger and stronger and eventually ate the smaller one

·         A tree that grew close to a nuclear facility

Well this year we went out in search of Lumpy II. The thing is, we ended up at a tree farm (the one Lumpy came from was closed) on a weekday when they only allow cut-your-own trees on weekends. We were determined to find Lumpy II and find her that day. This year we went with Aunt Julie, Uncle John, and their tiny new baby Clara. It was Teddy's first tree and we decided to get it on a snow day last week when Brian was out of school. So I bundled him up in layers and took him out.

Baby boy leggings: just say yes

The woman at the tree stand said we could walk around the lot behind the already-cut trees. It was a lot that hadn't yielded Christmas trees for around twenty years. Sounds cool, we thought. Kind of like trekking through an Idaho forest looking for a tree, which is a fun childhood memory for me.

Turns out it's harder to find a lumpy tree amongst a bunch of really crappy trees than it is to find a lumpy tree amongst perfect triangle Christmas trees. We ended up trying to find the tree that most resembled a normal Christmas tree. I think that, considering the options, we did a pretty good job. We trudged along in the wet snow for about 45 minutes before we settled on our tree. Ultimately we left it up to the boys, who claimed that Lumpy II was, "so beautiful." But I think it's more Spindly Tree or Tipping Tree than another Lumpy Tree. It's tilty and spazzy. It looks like it's about to tip over, when it in fact the tree stand proves that it is not. Its branches shoot off in random directions and its needles are as sharp as knives. Not only was I inwardly grimacing that I didn't get a perfect, suburban mom triangle tree (even though I had consented to find a lump again) as I decorated it, but I was physically grimacing from the pain caused by wrestling the ornaments over the limbs.

It also took us a couple days to get around to decorating her because of several Christmas light catastrophes that I don't care to get in to. So, here she is: the photo story of the lovely Tipping Tree.

One of the stellar options "rainbow tree!"

But Teddy doesn't approve

Beautiful ice on the walk in the wild

Calvin declares this is the one!

We're committed now.

Good view of the tipping-ness

 Asymmetrical is the new symmetrical.

I feel like this really shows the girth well.

To four year-olds, and even a 5 month-old, it's beauty...
and I suppose that's what matters.

Catching Up is Hard to Do: Our Months in Pictures

So many fun (and some not fun) things have happened that I haven't written about. So, instead of writing about them in any kind of  detail, I'm posting some pictures and captions for posterity and moving on with my life. Here are some things we've done lately.

Highlights: My parents visited from Idaho in October and Aunt Bean (my sister Crystal) is visiting from Ecuador on her way back to Idaho. Blastball (pre-T-ball) ended, basketball class ended, hockey is in full swing- the boys skating is improving by leaps and bounds. Thanksgiving went well-- here and in Richmond. We got two new nieces! Teddy has started jumping and eating solid food.

Cal became a farmer at Cox Farms' fall festival.,

Teddy fell asleep on Papa at Cox Farms

The boys are going strong with hockey-
so much so that Clark does push-ups to get ready.

How often will this happen? All three boys with all four grandparents
at the last Blastball game of the season

Teddy's cheeks getting some quality Uncle A time

We threw together an early Thanksgiving dinner with relatives
from the area...however for this picture we missed four of them...
We named it Thankstoberfest.

We lazily abandoned our Halloween plans of making the boys into a refrigerator
and a toilet (their requests) for Halloween and instead got horrible fake teeth,
fake blood and fake scars and put them in their hockey gear-- mean
hockey players who escaped the penalty box!

This was Teddy's first time meeting Papa!

Mom and Dad took the boys to Toys R Us for early Christmas
presents, including this hockey game that is ALWAYS in use.

Plenty of piggy-back ridin'

Goofy

Conducted experiments and made art
with Halloween candy

Aunt Bean came to town!

Cal, Clark, and Teddy got two new cousins in November!
Here is little Clara at Thanksgiving dinner. We will
meet little Ivy after Christmas.

We went to Richmond for  our traditional day after Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving dinner.
Uncle Pierre made wooden swords...yaaaay...

Did some skating at the downtown Richmond rink

Uncle Pierre found a hockey player.

Aunt Bean brought a hat from Peru for Teddy.

...and Ecuador soccer jerseys for Cal and Clark

Morning coffee/hot chocolate with Aunt Bean

Football with Aunt Bean

Some hardcore Candyland complete with a little trash talk

Decorating the living room wall with Spidermen? Thanks, Bean.

I got a picture of all three boys smiling.

A superhero and a cowboy took a nap at my  house.

Teddy got a Jumparoo!

We had a striped pajamas party.

Teddy had his first solid food. He only likes applesauce and pumpkin pie.

Brian took Cal and Clark in full hockey gear and Teddy grocery shopping.

Teddy met fire. And liked it.

Aunt Bean tie-dyed shirts with Cal and Clark.

Only a little dye strayed from the shirts...

Final products!

Teddy went on the bus and metro for the first time.
He is ambivalent about them and declines comment.

Did some museuming and Christmas tree-looking downtown with Aunt Bean

Theodore Crosson, concerned citizen, took his
concerns to Congress.

He is optimistic that his concerns will be addressed.

And his hair is also excited about having done
its civic duty.

One Monday Teddy woke up frumpy.

That about sums up October, November, and the first four days of December. Next time I'll actually write some words. Maybe.

Words, words, words

I've gotten behind on my posting. Somehow I don't seem to have much time for writing these days... For a long time I've been meaning to compile quotes from the boys that I paste on my facebook personal profile, but never put on the blog. These are from the past year. Which one is your favorite?

Clark: "Mommy if I wasn't in your family I would marry you and give you kisses and hugs all the time. "

Clark: "Last week I was a man. My doctor told me I will turn into a girl tomorrow."

While snuggling with my morning snugglers: Cal: "Mom, your feet are the greatest feet." Me: "Why?" Cal: "Because they feel like wood on the bottom." 

"Mom, I just saw a sound wave. It was greyish and it moved really slowly. I think it was Teddy crying." -Cal

Mom, I'm a superhero, here to take away your seizures.

"I know what I want to be for Halloween next year. A stranger." -Cal

After a weekend visit from New York friends with two little girls: "I want to marry one of those girls who live in New York City. What are their names again?" -Clark

Cal: "Mom, if you were a caring parent you'd let me do whatever I want. I guess you can't be my mom anymore. You can be someone else's mom. I guess I need to go to a special school where the teacher will let you be bad." This one will be a fun teenager.

"Mom don't come in, I'm nursing Clark right now."

Today's top Cal-isms: 1. Me: "CALVIN! Stop trying to drink the rice off your plate! I've said it twice. It's going all over the floor." Cal: "Well, would you like to join me, Mom?" 2. Me: "CALVIN! Don't slam the fridge door like that." Cal: "In the afternoon I'm stronger than in the morning so I can't help it."

Brian: " Dogs have really good senses of smell." Cal: "Can a dog in North Carolina smell a dog in Kansas City?"

"When can I play Algebra 2?" "And when can we drink alcohol?" -Cal

"Mom, I love your new hair cut. You're as beautiful as a butterfly." -Cal

"Look, Mom I've got maternity pants on!"

Cal: "Ohh, Mom, what are these on my pants?" Me: "Those are called grass stains." Cal: "Wow, they are so beautiful."

The boys' latest baby name ideas: Zamboni, Slapshot, Fred, Lasagna. We're clearly making headway since one of these is an actual name.

Me: "Calvin, you need to obey me quicker. That took way too long." Cal: "I love you and you're pretty."

"I want a brother. Cal wants a sister. If it's a brother, I win. If it's a girl, Cal wins. I really love winning games." -Clark

Alex to Clark: "You're cute." Clark: "I'm not cute! Cats and dogs are cute!"

"Mom, you're cuter than my last mommy." -Cal

"I'm going to be an artist when I grow up. I'll draw Spiderman and everything. And lots of other stuff. And videos." -Cal

Brian and Clark are talking about volcanoes. Cal comes over. Cal coughs. Cal coughs again, and smugly declares : "My coughing destroyed your conversation."

I overheard the boys talking about a boy we recently saw at a wedding who we hadn't seen for almost two years. Cal: "Charles is so much bigger than he used to be." Clark: "I know! He's SO tall! He's taller than his MOM!" Cal: "Yeah, that dude is HIGH!" 

"Why did my milk make a U-turn in my mouth and come right out?" Clarky

Cal: "Mom I don't want to say good morning to you until I put on my pants. And I know that's rid-ick-lee-us."

"Goodnight, Mom. I'm going to wake up as a monster." - Cal

Cal: "When I'm too old to play baseball I want to be a car-fixer." Me: "Cool. Do you want to own your own car business? You could call it Cal's Cars. Cal: "No, I'd want to call it Raisin." Clark: "Yeah, Raisin.org."

"If a spider ate us, would it take forEVER?" -Cal

Cal: "Mom did you know that if you feed babies soda they will grow nine kidneys?"

Clark: "Mom, oftentimes when I'm brushing my teeth I forget that I don't need to squeeze the tube so hard. I don't do it very well." This is what happens when English teachers have children together.

Cal: "Mom, can we have breast milk with dinner?"

Me: "Go to your bedroom right now, Calvin." Calvin, whining: "How long do I have to stay there?" Me: "Until I feel like having you out here again." Pause. Calvin: "That makes no sense."

Clark: "Hey Cal, remind me that I need to poop." Cal: "Cool." I don't understand this kind of talk. Is it because I'm a girl?

"Dad your voice smells yucky when you get up in the morning." -Cal

"I don't want to have another baby. Do you know why? Teddy is the best baby on Earth. I only love him the best on all the Earth." -Cal

"Mom, do you have nipples? I forgot." -Clark

"Mom, I'm a gorilla and I'm scratching my tummy to communicate to you that I like the smoothie you made for me." -Clark

Clark: "My head hurts. Maybe it's from too much thinking." (brow furrow) "Wait. Is too much thinking a thing, Mom?"

"When did they design poop? When was it not alive?" -Cal

Clark: "So where are the Wright brothers NOW?" Cal: "They're taking a shower." Clark: "Oh. Because they're dirty and stinky?" Cal: "Yep."

"Mom, I'm so excited to see Alex today. I would pay a worker $55 from my wallet to get to see her." -Cal (He has neither $55 nor a wallet)

"Mom, you need to get off your feet." -Clark

"Calvin! Stop saying that. Gooder is not a word. It's better. Mom, Cal always says gooder but it's really better." -Clark

Latest baby name ideas from the boys: Leprechaun, Banana Chip, Pretty Tree, and Tom Jefferson. So helpful.

Latest in the baby name search: Crosson Sauce, Milk Cup, and they won't stop with the Fred and Slapshot.

Cal: "Mom, why do ladies look nicer than mans?"

Clark, looking at his reflection in the oatmeal pan: "Look, there's my neck, but not my handsome head. My lovely, beautiful neck."

Me: "Cal! Did you hear me, Cal?" Cal: "No. I have sound memory loss."

The boys' latest baby name suggestions: Balcony and Alcohol. I do enjoy a little balcony wine from time to time, but I'm not going to name my child after it. We seem to be regressing...

Clark made my bedroom his locker room this morning as he put on his Alex Ovechkin jersey. "I need privacy here, Mom. Did you know Ovechkin is still Ovechkin even when he's naked?"

"Do construction workers go to heaven?" -Clark

I was about to take a plain grey shirt out of my closet this morning when Clark weighed in: "No, you should wear something pretty because you're a girl." Today I wore a pink shirt.

Baby name update: Clark wants to name him "Horse Collar Tackle 15 Yard Penalty." Cal still votes for "Kevin Bacon." Meanwhile, Brian and I are all out of boy names we both like so... this kid could be in trouble.

Cal: "Clark, why don't you like milk in your Cheerios?" Clark: "Well, I just grew up not liking milk in my Cheerios."

"I like terrible songs." -Cal "I smell underwear." -Clark Yaaay, more boys...

"I'm not crying. My eye is drooling." -Cal

"I know what we should name the baby! Kevin Bacon!" -Calvin

"Mom, football is rough. You need to learn how to be rough. I'll teach you." -Clark