Being a Port-a-Potty Doorstop

We decided to take the three boys to Brian’s softball game the other night. The weather was beautiful and perfect for the boys to run around and get tons of energy out. They always go to the games with Brian, even when I can’t because they are in heaven, running like wild creatures all over the ball field complex and running the bases whenever there’s a break in action. Those times though, Brian’s mom is usually at the game too, able to keep an eye on them when Brian is in the field and dugout and when he’s batting. They come home with every inch of their bodies covered in dirt, except for those bright white eyes, brimming with crazed, slightly-tamed mischief, and Brian throws them in the bathtub.

This tradition of boys’ night at the ballpark started when I was pregnant and has continued after I’ve had Teddy to watch. I don’t know why we felt the need to change things up that night and let loose the wild things with only me, tied to an infant, to keep them in line. But alas, we did.

Like I said- beautiful night, it started off great with the boys running down the hill in the slanted early evening sunshine from the parking lot to the field, me pushing Teddy in the stroller and feeling all maternal and fulfilled. How naïve I was.

Soon Cal needed to pee. Teddy was fussing in the stroller. There were port-a-pottys close so I told Cal and Clark to go over to one of them, Clark stand by the door while Cal went in and used it and then run back for hand sanitizing. They were uncertain of doing this without me, but somehow they managed it and I didn’t ask for details when they came back.

Of course after awhile Clark needed to go, and by then Teddy was full-on hungry and I was looking for a secluded area in which to nurse him. Clark refused to go potty with only Calvin there by the door so I grudgingly told him I’d go with them. It was then he informed me and the entire group of spectators that he had to poop. Of course he did. Now what?

I pulled the stroller over to the door of the port-a-potty and propped the door open with it. The stench was as bad as you’d expect it to be. I told Cal his job was to stand right by Teddy as I aided Clark, balancing over the precipice of blue water littered with floating feces. Just don’t puke, Dawn. Remember you’re the mom. First he peed and it went all over the back of his pants, so that was a nice start to the experience. Then came the poop. Fortunately there was toilet paper and I quickly took care of things, holding my breath. Teddy started crying and Cal was loudly complaining about the smell and that the door was heavy. It felt like everyone was watching us, a stroller propping open the port-a-potty, two whining boys, and a crying baby. Was this really what my life had become? A port-a-potty doorstop? I wanted to run away.

Anyway, Clark got cleaned up and I deemed that his wet pants were okay for him to keep playing in the dirt. Plus I needed to nurse so the baby would shut up. As we were walking out, Clark said he needed to go again. Are you freaking kidding me? I told Cal to stay with him and I left to nurse, ignoring Clark calling that he wanted me there. Bad mom? Maybe.

I found a semi-secluded area on the other side of a little hill behind home plate. I pulled out my handy nursing cover and got down to business. I was about halfway done when I looked up and saw Clark, pants and underwear around his ankles, doing a shuffle toward me in full view of all spectators. Excellent. Gravel crunched loudly around his feet and I closed my eyes in disbelief.

So, just to summarize in case you missed something: I had a boob in a baby’s mouth, a child coming toward me with no pants or underwear on in full view of the public, yelling at me that he needed help, and a third child laughing at his naked brother. Clark got to me and I made him sit in the grass and take everything off while I finished nursing and then I took out the spare clothes that I have learned to take everywhere with boys.

It felt like everyone in both fields must have seen what was going on with us, and be laughing, but Brian hadn’t even noticed any of the episode. Granted, he was in the outfield, but still I was surprised. We all sanitized up and then the boys proceeded to roll in the dirt and gravel, run through tall grass, and slide into home plate. Teddy finally fell asleep, and we eventually left.

I swear I’ll never do it again, no matter how beckoning the weather, until they are all teenagers. 

Teddy, before the night digressed

The three boys, NOT being disgusting