Why am I Writing About This Woman?

Sometimes a certain librarian at a certain library makes me want to slap her in the face. Is that bad? Maybe. I want to go on record as saying that aside from this librarian and my storytime encounters, I absolutely love our library and its proximity to us. I even like the quirkiness of some of its patrons that comes as a result of the library being next to a homeless shelter. 

The first time I had a run-in with this woman was when the boys were 13 months old. How do I remember that age? Oh, that’s because storytime at the library requires babies to be 13 months old before they can come to the infant-2 years storytime. They also have ONLINE REGISTRATION for storytime? What the f$&%? I know. So fascist. I touched on the story and how my library visits have changed here, but here’s the storytime incident: I pushed them in their double umbrella stroller to the room where storytime was held. At the door I was told I could not take the stroller in. Okay. I wonder how I will contain my crawlers? I asked if she could make an exception since I had two. No. Okay, well, I’ll try. All the parents were perfectly arranged in a half circle, sitting cross-legged with their one child on their laps, with the exception of a dad whose son was standing over in the corner, not in anyone’s way, just walking around quietly. Note: there was plenty of room for my stroller to be over in the corner by the boy walking around.

Putting both boys on my lap lasted about all of 30 seconds before one started sprint-crawling across the room. Yes, I got a glare from said librarian. I bet you didn’t know fascists wear duck puppets; I’m here to tell you that they do. Soon the fascist spoke to the father in the corner with his kid. “It would be best if everyone was sitting over here.” Seriously. After some more glares and awkward, disciplinary pauses from her, I decided to take the boys out and put them in the stroller. So I did. Then I put the stroller in the doorway so we weren’t in the room but the boys could see the story. By the way, they were interested in listening and watching once they were contained. “It would be best if there were no strollers,” the fascists passively-aggressively told me in front of everyone. I blurted something along the lines of, “Are you kidding me?” and I took the stroller and left. I had every intention of writing a letter to the library over this behavior, but I never got around to it. A good thing that came from it was that I met my friend Susan at the playground a few weeks after the incident. The icebreaker: “Aren’t you the one who was kicked out of storytime? That was ridiculous.” We’ve been friends ever since.

Over a year later I decided to give it another shot. We went with some friends. For some reason Calvin freaked out when we got to the library and didn’t want to go to storytime. Perhaps he remembered the fascist dictator that ruled last time. But, stories hadn’t started yet so I tried to calm him down by the door. He let me take him in and was beginning to settle down. Let me reiterate, stories had not started and the librarian was not even trying to start reading when she looked at me and said gruffly, “He can’t stay in here like that.” I left with both boys.

We went to the kids’ room in the library and read books ourselves. Interestingly, one by one, other moms came out of storytime and into the children’s section after, I can only assume, being passively-aggressively kicked out. Needless to say, we have not tried another library storytime and have no plans to. However, we do go to the library often to get books and read books and to look at the mural on the wall with the lion that got his foot hurt and the mouse that is helping take the thorn out. The boys are obsessed with that part of the mural, and the Hansel and Gretel candy house.

The other day my friend the fascist was the librarian in the children’s section and I asked her where the educational Dr. Seuss books are located. “Hmm. What do you mean?” Really? I explained to her that the series is from the Cat in the Hat PBS cartoon and they’re on different subjects like space and desserts. Blank look. “I don’t know. Maybe they would be over here in content sorted books…or beginning reading?” I’d like to add that any mom I’ve mentioned these books to knows about this series, and some own them. She then found the series on the computer, with much mumbling, and put them on hold for me. Next I asked her about books about cars or transportation in general that she might recommend for kids my kids’ age. “Hmm, none come to mind…” What. Isn’t every boy (besides mine) obsessed with cars and trucks? And don’t children’s book authors know that and write about them? Don’t librarians know a lot about books? I was trying to get my boys psyched up to see the transportation exhibit at the American History Museum. Fortunately, another librarian was beginning her shift at that time and had some great suggestions for me. How delightfully and refreshingly librarian of her.

I’m a little annoyed at myself for dedicating even this much of my time to writing about that librarian, and I want to love our local children’s librarian, as a concept. Anyone know a good children’s librarian looking to relocate? 

Our librarian would probably not approve of sleeping with books. Too bad.

The Spunky Suds soap giveaway ends in a few hours! Put your name in the hat.