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Saturday, November 17, 2012

Dawnee Fell Over

It had been a little over a year since my last seizure. I guess I was about due. I forgot to take my meds last Sunday night but remembered first thing Monday morning and took them. But it was too late and the meds didn't help. I had all three kids at home and didn't feel a tremor or anything coming on. Just nothing.

It was the usual super-confusion afterward, as I tried to desperately remember what day it was, what was happening, etc. I remember waking up on the floor and seeing Calvin hiding behind a box. He was patched and didn't have his glasses on-- which means that he couldn't see much of anything. I wonder in what order everything happened, but I'll never know. Did he willingly take his glasses off so he didn't have to watch me? Who knows. I asked the boys if I had a seizure, and they kept saying no, that everything was fine. I quickly got on Gtalk and told Brian and I emailed Alex's dad right away too. I don't have any memory of doing either of those things, but thanks to technology, it's all here.

The transcript to Brian was:

me: yey, i had seix;ure. Ca yuoiu copme home?

Brian: Okay. Will do.

me: THanks.

Brian: ARe you okay?

me: yeah i just feel very uconfused.

The email I wrote to Alex's dad was titled "siexuree." And its contents were:

"Is had a seizure this morning. Plaease come and get Alex wen you can. I'm so sorry. Everyne is fine."

Even though it's a little creepy, it's pretty comforting to know that I'm aware of what happens, even though I have no memory of being aware. And apparently spelling goes out the window when my brain freaks out. Understandable.

So, anyway, I seem to have pulled myself up, noticed a smoking pan on the stove and proceeded to finish cooking French toast for the kids, set them up to the table and served breakfast. Brian came home and I slept most of the day. The seizure headaches and post seizure confusion are intense. It was great to have Brian so close that he could be here so quickly.

Last year the boys talked about my seizure. But this year they will not, and I find it curious. Last year afterward they kept saying, "Mommy, you had a seizure," but this year they seem to have either genuinely not witnessed it (which just seems impossible) or they are choosing to deny it.

But, Alex is not in denial. In fact, she has the most insight of anyone into what happened. She's been telling her parents that "Dawnee fell over," "Dawnee knocked over a chair," "Dawnee was shaking." She even did the motions.

I worry about the boys and how they will handle my seizures. I can't imagine what it would be like to witness my mom having a seizure. I like to think it will make them stronger. Maybe it will make them creative.


I thought what Cal drew tonight fit well with the topic.

10 comments:

  1. Oh Dawn! How scary. I am glad Brian is close.

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    1. I really can't ask for a better situation than what I have, as far as his location and the nature of his job... Perfect placement.

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  2. Oh my goodness, I'm so glad everything turned out OK. It sounds like your Mom mind knows what to do even in the darkest of cicumstances. Take care.

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    1. Yes, my crazy, mis-firing mom mind does seem to function passably in these incidences. Let's hope it stays that way. :) Thank you, Autumn.

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  3. I'm so sorry! It is amazing what our minds can do without much help.

    I have to say though - I really enjoyed your transcript and think that seix;ure should be the new official spelling.

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    1. Yeah, my transcript fascinated me too. How about anyone can spell seizure however they want to and it's always right? All seix;urees are not the same, after all.

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  4. Hi- I am a mom with epilepsy. I hate it. Some says I am so angry I have it and other days I don't think about it. However, I had a seizure recently which made me think long and hard about the effects of my epilepsy on my children. This was the first seizure my 7 year old daughter witnessed. I began thinking about making some new boundaries. How do you live a normal mommy life? Do you drive? How do you take your kids to activities? Feeling down today, Jessica

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    1. Hi Jessica, I'm glad you found my blog. I do not drive. I think I live a fairly normal life- we live in a location that allows me to walk and bus and metro (That's the subway in DC, not sure where you are) my kids to pretty much any activity that they want at this point. Granted, they're only 3, so I'm sure there will be more challenges as they get older, but we do live in a great place for maximum independence for me. I also have family and friends who I am not shy to ask for rides places. Do you drive? What did your daughter say about the seizure? What new boundaries are you thinking of? When I feel down I thnk of all the other people who have multiple seizures a day and are completely dependent on others. Fortunately I only average about one seizure a year and am so blessed to have supportive and helpful family and friends around.

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  5. Hi! I just found your blog and I'm so glad I did. I've always worried what it would be like once I become a mother and seizures come into to play. Thanks for sharing your experiences. :)

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    1. Hi Christina, I'm glad you found my blog too! If you want to have kids and you and your husband decide to go for it, just be sure you have an emergency plan...and a backup emergency plan. I don't know how many seizures you usually have, but fortunately I only have about one a year. Be creative...maybe even more close to family, because they are invaluable in a situation like ours. Good luck! I'd love to hear back from you later!

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