We decided to take the three boys to Brian’s softball game
the other night. The weather was beautiful and perfect for the boys to run
around and get tons of energy out. They always go to the games with Brian, even
when I can’t because they are in heaven, running like wild creatures all over
the ball field complex and running the bases whenever there’s a break in
action. Those times though, Brian’s mom is usually at the game too, able to
keep an eye on them when Brian is in the field and dugout and when he’s
batting. They come home with every inch of their bodies covered in dirt, except
for those bright white eyes, brimming with crazed, slightly-tamed mischief, and Brian
throws them in the bathtub.
This tradition of boys’ night at the ballpark started when I
was pregnant and has continued after I’ve had Teddy to watch. I don’t know why
we felt the need to change things up that night and let loose the wild things
with only me, tied to an infant, to keep them in line. But alas, we did.
Like I said- beautiful night, it started off great with the
boys running down the hill in the slanted early evening sunshine from the
parking lot to the field, me pushing Teddy in the stroller and feeling all
maternal and fulfilled. How naïve I was.
Soon Cal needed to pee. Teddy was fussing in the stroller. There
were port-a-pottys close so I told Cal and Clark to go over to one of them,
Clark stand by the door while Cal went in and used it and then run back for
hand sanitizing. They were uncertain of doing this without me, but somehow they
managed it and I didn’t ask for details when they came back.
Of course after awhile Clark needed to go, and by then Teddy
was full-on hungry and I was looking for a secluded area in which to nurse him.
Clark refused to go potty with only Calvin there by the door so I grudgingly
told him I’d go with them. It was then he informed me and the entire group of spectators
that he had to poop. Of course he did. Now what?
I pulled the stroller over to the door of the port-a-potty and
propped the door open with it. The stench was as bad as you’d expect it to be.
I told Cal his job was to stand right by Teddy as I aided Clark, balancing over
the precipice of blue water littered with floating feces. Just don’t puke,
Dawn. Remember you’re the mom. First he peed and it went all over the back of
his pants, so that was a nice start to the experience. Then came the poop.
Fortunately there was toilet paper and I quickly took care of things, holding
my breath. Teddy started crying and Cal was loudly complaining about the smell and
that the door was heavy. It felt like everyone was watching us, a stroller propping
open the port-a-potty, two whining boys, and a crying baby. Was this really
what my life had become? A port-a-potty doorstop? I wanted to run away.
Anyway, Clark got cleaned up and I deemed that his wet pants
were okay for him to keep playing in the dirt. Plus I needed to nurse so the
baby would shut up. As we were walking out, Clark said he needed to go again.
Are you freaking kidding me? I told Cal to stay with him and I left to nurse,
ignoring Clark calling that he wanted me there. Bad mom? Maybe.
I found a semi-secluded area on the other side of a little
hill behind home plate. I pulled out my handy nursing cover and got down to
business. I was about halfway done when I looked up and saw Clark, pants and
underwear around his ankles, doing a shuffle toward me in full view of all
spectators. Excellent. Gravel crunched loudly around his feet and I closed my
eyes in disbelief.
So, just to summarize in case you missed something: I had a
boob in a baby’s mouth, a child coming toward me with no pants or underwear on
in full view of the public, yelling at me that he needed help, and a third
child laughing at his naked brother. Clark got to me and I made him sit in the
grass and take everything off while I finished nursing and then I took out the
spare clothes that I have learned to take everywhere with boys.
It felt like everyone in both fields must have seen what was
going on with us, and be laughing, but Brian hadn’t even noticed any of the
episode. Granted, he was in the outfield, but still I was surprised. We all
sanitized up and then the boys proceeded to roll in the dirt and gravel, run
through tall grass, and slide into home plate. Teddy finally fell asleep, and
we eventually left.
I swear I’ll never do it again, no matter how beckoning the
weather, until they are all teenagers.
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| Teddy, before the night digressed |
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| The three boys, NOT being disgusting |
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